10,000 BC (2008)

Roland Emmerich is no stranger to overblown epics with meagre emotional heft. After all, he’s the director responsible for Independence Day, 98’s Godzilla remake and The Day After Tomorrow, ‘busters that sacrifice story and character on the altar of sensory bombardment. If he’d thrown the same iron fist at this muddled tale of a pre-historic hero and his troubles with strangely pale-faced Egyptians and wily pachyderms then 10,000 B.C. might’ve risen, if only occasionally, out of its family-friendly, CGI-induced stupor. Alas, Emmerich’s chosen to tread lightly here, re-imagining a bloodless past of trample-free mammoth attacks and warrior-tribes with pearly-white teeth and perfect grammar.

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