Heather Graham is back in cinemas today with The Hangover.

It’s great, which must be a relief for Heather’s agent.

It’s been quite a while since the last decent script landed in Heather’s hands.

We mean, just look at some of the movies she’s been making while we stopped paying attention…

ExTerminators (2009)

The Plot: Three women meet in anger management class, and accidentally kill a friend’s husband.

Somehow, they get a reputation as a kind of ex-boyfriend termination company, treating dodgy men like pest controllers treat ‘roaches. Admittedly, this does sound like a pretty good story.

Who Heather Plays: Central psycho gal. Alex. Sadly, her glasses are more memorable than her performance.

Why You Haven’t Heard Of It: Despite the dark plot, ExTermintors is less Heathers 2 and more The Divine Secrets Of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood 6 – with a light and sentimental tone scuppering the promising premise.

How It Could’ve Been Successful: Keep the same title, but tweak the plot slightly so it’s more about a bunch of out of work T800s (Arnold Schwarzenegger) who are trying to make ends meet by being plumbers and things.

Heather Graham plays a Terminatrix whose wires are so wrong, they make her think that Arnie is an ex-boyfriend who broke her non-existent heart. Hijinks ensue.

We’d basically be combining the humour of Twins with the violence of Terminator 2. It would be the third best film ever made.
 

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