The Talent: MADONNA. ‘Nuff said. No? Okay, how about Elizabeth Banks (wonder if she spotlights it on her CV?), Bruce Greenwood (ditto) and Jeanne Tripplehorn (well, it’s work…)

The Tag: “A film by Guy Ritchie”

The Turkey Trouble: Madge: “Guy, honey, sweetie, make a movie and put me in it! Something that really shows off my acting, um, talents. Something challenging, darling. Something with lust and power and danger! Love you forever!”

Guy: “Awright Princess, I’ll remake an obscure 1974 film and make you look like a royal bitch before you’re essentially enslaved by a sexy Italian working class bloke.”

CUT TO: Night of the first screening…

Madge: “I want a divorce.”

Has The Director Worked Since? Er, yes. He’s Guy Ritchie! He suffered another flop with Revolver, but came back strong on RocknRolla and is now hoping Sherlock Holmes hits.