10 Ugliest Haircuts Of The '90s

A forest of strange, sad and gravity-defying hair jobs...

 

10. Dracula's White Tower - Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)

“I am the last of my kind,” laments Gary Oldman’s bloodsucker in Francis Ford Coppola’s Dracula reprise. The long, black flowing locks might be on the poster, but everyone remembers the shocking white tower of hair – subsequently adopted by Mr Burns in The Simpsons.

It either looks like two massive scoops of cheap ice cream on the head of a corpse, or our nan's bra dumped on the bonce of a French mime, we can't choose. Either way, it's idiotic.[page-break]


9.Dr Schreber's Franken-Quiff - Dark City (1998)

Of all the out-there ’90s hairstyles, it’s strange to note that Kiefer Sutherland’s look in Dark City is the most normal.

But his mad-scientist appearance is still hideous.

Looking like the son of Dracula's hairdresser, we're pretty sure Keifer spent most of the shoot wishing he was as bald as the blokes he was surrounded by.

If Jack Bauer even met this mess, he'd shoot him in the back of the BrylCream.[page-break]


8. Ripley's Buzzcut - Alien 3 (1992

Years before Natalie Portman shaved her head in V For Vendetta, Sigourney Weaver was already there, trying to act as a warning.

There are plot reasons for this one, mind. After crashing on the prison planet of Fiorina 161, her hair is shaved to avoid problems with lice.

It makes sense, it has impact, especially in the context of Ripley’s gradual evolution throughout the Alien series, from the tomboyish damsel in distress to grungy clone warrior.

But still, we wouldn't recommend you step into your local Toni & Guy holding up this picture. You'll get laughed at.[page-break]


7. Barton's Frizz Top - Barton Fink (1991)

For the Coen brothers’ nod to blocked writers everywhere, they got their story inspiration from the tale of Clifford Odets, a playwright and social activist who made the leap to Hollywood screenplays.

And Fink’s look – big bouffant, frizzy hair and pebble-thick glasses – also owes a lot to Odets’ appearance. It’s as if his frustration is being channelled through his hair, on edge throughout and thick with problems.[page-break]


6. Predator's Dreads - Predator 2 (1990)

The Predator’s face might look like an explosion at a lady-parts factory, but you’ve got to admit his hair is cool.

What something reptilian is doing with hair is beyond us, but it remains an iconic image. And even if you do think it looks out of place, are you going take scissors to a creature who can remove your spine without breaking a sweat?

We're certainly not. That's why we're going to say absolutely nothing about how prepostorously ugly it is, and just nod and smile when he asks us about it using someone else's voice.[page-break]


5. Ruby Rhod's Toothbrush - The Fifth Element (1997)

Chris Tucker’s portrayal of talk show host Ruby Rhod is memorable for two things: his screechy voice and the incredible wedge of hair that perches on his head.

In Luc Besson’s stylish sci-fantasy, the design takes precedence over the plot and everything is amped up... Nothing more so than Rhod’s insane topper.[page-break]


4. Martian Girl's Super-Bouffant - Mars Attacks! (1996)

Tim Burton pays homage to ’50s B-movies with the sexy yet disturbing Lisa Marie as a Martian spy. Seven hours of make-up converted Burton’s then muse into the only alien in the movie portrayed by an actual human.

Turning your fiancée into a freak-doll alien assassin? That, my friends, is true love. And we're glad it floats Tim's boat, because it doesn't really do it for us. [page-break]


3. Edward's Goth-Do - Edward Scissorhands (1990)

Glance in the direction of director Tim Burton and you can see where Edward Scissorhands gets his spiky ’do from.

Considering that Scissorhands was Burton projecting part of his own personality on to the screen, it seems only fair that he’s blessed with the same jet-black, hand-in-plug-socket look. Making him the third chap (including Robert Smith of The Cure) to try and pull off this barnet and fail.[page-break]


2. Ace Ventura's Quiff - Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)

Looking like he’s borrowed hairstyling tips from Cameron Diaz in There’s Something About Mary, Jim Carrey’s Ace Ventura sports cinema’s strongest quiff.

Carrey endured days of shooting with his hair locked tight in a freeze-gel shaped menace. Yet though his catchphrases became ear-gratingly common (“Aaal-righty then!”), few were tempted to try his hairstyle. [page-break]


1. Jules' Jeri Curl - Pulp Fiction (1994)

One of the most recognisable barnets in cinema was the result of a happy accident.

Samuel L Jackson tends to wear his hair short or shaved bald, but Tarantino’s script called for Jules to sport a wild, huge Afro.

A follicle-foolish production assistant bought a Jeri curl wig instead. Thankfully for them, QT loved the look and a star mop was born. Actually, this one isn't ugly at all. Let’s face it, Sam could have made a clown wig look cool.

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Comments

    • Bulletproof_animal

      Mar 18th 2009, 16:52

      Argh! My poor brain just turned to mush!

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