The Family: Mum/Dad/Nicolas/Sophie

The Issues: Entirely rat-related, it would seem - the family starts to disintegrate the minute good ol’ pop brings one home as a household pet.

The son immediately declares himself to be gay and starts hosting to x-rated gatherings of dodgy-looking older strangers in his teenage bedroom, while the mother repeatedly and literally attempts to seduce him back into straightdom (see also Savage Grace).

Meanwhile, the maid proves herself to be unihibited in the extreme; the daughter suddenly develops an obsession with extreme bondage and a death wish, and the father - suspecting his squeaky new friend may be the culprit for their household's comprehensive meltdown - decides (as you do) to kill and eat the accursed rodent before, um, turning into one himself.

Would Therapy Help? Hell no - even Jeremy Kyle would think twice about booking this lot. Mummy, can't we just stay at ours for Boxing Day this year...?