The Government: In a future plagued by overpopulation, the US government has a problem on its hands: how to feed a bloated nation not best known for its ability to cut back on eating? Enter the Soylent Corporation, an industrial giant producing “high energy vegetable concentrates”, whose newest product, the surprisingly tasty “Soylent Green” could be the answer.

So where are these yummy green wafers coming from, if there’s no food left on poor old Earth? “High-energy plankton,” apparently. The fact that the Government has recently set up a load of assisted-suicide centres is mere coincidence, surely?

Better Than Labour? No, but then Labour have got Jamie Oliver to make sure today’s Soylent Green, otherwise known as Turkey Twizzlers, stays off the menu.