Title: Alien Ghetto
The Plot: Shockingly derivative District 9-alike claims there has indeed been prior contact between humans and Xenomorphs. In fact, there’s still a colony of our lot kept in substandard housing on the outskirts of the alien home world.
A hush-hush rescue mission is mounted, resulting in serious diplomatic antagonism.
Most Awesome Scene: The CGI-loaded climax in which the entire alien planet is ripped in twain, forcing them to relocate to Thedus just in time for the plot of the 1979 film to still make sense.
Starring: Sharlto Copley, in an ill-advised move that more or less drives his promising career into miserable typecasting hell. A real shame.
Title: Aliens vs Androids
The Plot: A complex, morally charged explanation of why our android companions later became such unpredictable allies in the quadrilogy proper. Involves lots of weighty but clichéd psychobabble about implanted memories and ‘loyalty chips’.
Most Awesome Scene: Several hundred AI units rising up as one, tearing out their chest-mounted ethics processors and going batshit mental at a technology expo.
Starring: Lance Henriksen, Peter Weller, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rutger Hauer.
Next: Horror on our doorsteps