12 Stylish Movie Women...

...and how we'd re-dress them

 

Coco Before Chanel hits UK cinemas this Friday.

It follows the rise of one of France's best loved fashion designers - umm, Coco Chanel - portrayed by one of France's best loved actresses, Audrey Tautou.

To celebrate the release of this rags to - well, more expensive rags - picture, we've had a go at re-styling our favourite cine-fashionistas.

After a good old rummage around in the Total Film Costume Department, we've found a few tidy little outfits to hang on our our 12 lucky clothes horses...

 

1. Miranda Priestly (Meryl Streep), The Devil Wears Prada (2006)

As top-bitch at America's top fashion magazine, Miranda is spiky and abusive.
 
But she's allowed to be evil and venal and demanding, because, hey - that's what people are like in the fashion industry, right?

 

How we'd dress her: Iceburgh The Penguin Mascot, Sudden Death (1995)

Well, Miranda does look a tiny bit like a penguin. And she's ice-cold. And... imagine how angry she'd be, sealed into this little number.
 
She'd probably put up a pretty good fight against Jean-Claude Van Damme, too.
 
Her weapon of choice? A stiletto heel, modified with an eyebrow-pencil sharpener.

 

Next: Chocolat, Bringing Up Baby[page-break]

 

2. Vianne Rocher (Juliette Binoche), Chocolat (2000)

It's 1950s rural France and Vianne's swanning around in red stilettos handing out chocolates with names like "nipples of Venus." She's dead brave.
 
Her flicky skirts and rouged lips make her, undeniably, the most stylish woman in... well, in the village. At least.
 
 
How We'd Dress Her: As an Oompa-Loompa from Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory (1971)

It shouldn't be too much of a stretch.
 
She already has the hair, and once she's kicked off those heels she ought to be a good few inches shorter.
 
Chocolate-making's her bag, and these little fellers would be her chocolatiere kinsmen.

 

3. Susan Vance (Katherine Hepburn), Bringing Up Baby (1938)

Putting a leopard in the care of Susan Vance was a pretty big gamble.
 
It wouldn't have been at all surprising if she'd clubbed Baby to death and made a lovely coat.
 
Turns out she's an animal lover...


 
How We'd Dress Her: As Sigfried/Roy, Sigfried & Roy: The Magic Box (1999)

Tans, wax and wide collars. Now that's style.
 
Not only could they teach her a thing or two about fixing up and looking sharp, but she could pick up some animal husbandry tips, too.
 
Who knows, she might learn how to stick her hand in Baby's mouth! Then get brutally mauled.

 

Next: Dr. Zhivago, Atonement[page-break]

 

4. Lara (Julie Christie), Dr Zhivago (1965)

She must be so cosy in all that fur.
 
Lara brought Tsar Chic to the mainstream, and kept warm by wrapping herself in, among other things, dead animals and Omar Sharif. She could do with a thermal all-in-one.
 
Hold the phone. The Total Film Wardrobe has just the thing...

 

How We'd Dress Her: Cousin Itt, The Addams Family (1991)

Ta-da! Never again will Lara have to sacrifice an animal for her own comfort.
 
Or rely on busy doctors for her own toasty needs.
 
The Cousin Itt costume could squeeze sweat out of a camel in a fridge.

 

5. Cecilia Tallis (Keira Knightley), Atonement (2007)

How is it possible to look that glamorous in a swimming costume?
 
It's a look she wears well, so we don't see the sense in changing it. Though it could do with a couple of adjustments.
 
There's only one other bathing suit we can think of that's demure and elegant enough to show off her best bits...

 

How We'd Dress Her: Borat's lime-green man-kini, Borat (2006)

Ok, so it'd be a bit pervy. She'd have to affix some ornamental nipple cones to avoid a lawsuit.
 
But bye-bye tan-line, hello streamline!

Next: A Bout De Souffle, Annie Hall[page-break]

 

6. Patricia Franchini (Jean Seberg), A Bout De Souffle (1960)

She might have impeccable fashion sense and a cute pixie crop, but, by Jove, she's annoying.

When she's not screeching, "New York Herald Tribune!" in a piercing American accent, she's speaking French in a piercing American accent.

Still, at least she's making the effort, right?

 

How We'd Dress Her: As An American Werewolf in Paris (1997)

It's a tenuous link, sure - but it would be pretty cool.

We'd preferably like to see the entire morphing process, too, in all its lupine savagery.

Might require a sneaky fitting-room curtain sabotage.

 

7. Annie Hall (Diane Keaton), Annie Hall (1977)

When Diane Keaton appeared in Annie Hall in a waistcoat, shirt and tie, a style icon was born.
 
Keaton was so fond of the look that she frequently recreated it on the red carpet.
 
We think we have something that's right up Annie's street.

 

How We'd Dress Her: As The Mask (1994)

He's just as dapper as Allen's Annie, and we're sure she'd cause a sensation in that tux.
 
Even if it does look like someone's eaten a pound of sulphur and thrown up all over a bald canary.

 

Next: Sex And The City, Bonnie And Clyde[page-break]

 

8. Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker), Sex And The City (2008)

SJP's Carrie Bradshaw is nothing short of a style sensation.
 
She got the sass, she got the smarts and she got the shoes.
 
What she don't got is mystery, allure, or, er, depth.
 
We feel it our duty to remedy that...

 

How We'd Dress Her: As Carrie (1976)

Carrie White sports a style that Bradshaw's left tragically overlooked.
 
The mesmeric glare teamed with that blood-soaked gown has a certain je ne sais quoi that you just wouldn't see at New York Fashion Week.
 
Just don't mention the prom or Bradshaw'll bludgeon you to death with her Manolo Blahniks.

 

9. Bonnie Parker (Faye Dunaway), Bonnie & Clyde (1967)

Being a bank manager at the height of the Great Depression probably wouldn't have been the highlight of anyone's career.
 
That's not to say it wan't without its perks (well, perk): you were bound to get a good robbing off of Bonnie Parker.

 

How We'd Dress Her: If the real Parker had looked anything like Dunaway's, she could've benefitted from ditching those snazzy berets and beefing up a bit.
 
The best way to the big bucks is through intimidation - and they don't get more intimidating than Rambo: First Blood Part II (1982)

She'd probably have to make a few adjustments to preserve her modesty, but with guns like those she'd put the fear of God into her victims.

Next: Marie Antoinette, Breakfast At Tiffany's[page-break]

 

10. Marie Antoinette (Kirsten Dunst), Marie Antoinette (2006) 

Marie Antoinette's meringue-like frocks and excessive wigs encapsulated the age of French pomp and prosperity.
 
A renowned shopaholic, the infamous Viennese knew how to dress (except she didn't dress herself, of course. That's what maids were for).

 

How We'd Dress Her: As The Thing (1982)

Unfortunately, all that spending didn't sit well with the peasants.
 
Antoinette was the ultimate sufferer for style, and had her head lopped off by jealous, unfashionable paupers.
 
If it were up to us, she would have reaped her revenge, her disembodied head morphing into a giant spider-creature to chase all those rotten, bitter little beggars back to the countryside.

 

11. Holly Golightly (Audrey Hepburn), Breakfast At Tiffany's (1961)

The most elegant woman to grace the big screen playing one of the greatest style icons of cinema.
 
It's said that Hepburn's elegance is due, in part, to her petite frame (in 1953 her waist measured just 20 inches).
 
We'd like to put that theory to the test...

 

How We'd Dress Her: Could Holly still be elegant in the Gold Space Suit from Sunshine (2007)?

We think it'd be just her cup of tea. It's all glittery. She likes glittery.
 
Granted, it might overwhelm her slight build just a tad. The arms might flap about at the ends and she'd get a baggy bottom.
 
Plus, she might not be able to get that cigarette holder past the glass visor...

Next: Confessions Of A Shopaholic[page-break]

 

12. Rebecca Bloomwood (Isla Fisher), Confessions Of A Shopaholic (2009)

Shopaholism is a destructive condition.
 
Although it can make you look utterly fabulous, it comes at a cost - excessive spending, debts, disaster, eventual destitution...
 
We predict that, given time, Rebecca Bloomwood would end up in a sorry state...

 

How We'd Dress Her: Junk Lady, Labyrinth (1986)

Who knows? Perhaps one day Junk Lady, too, was a carefree shopaholic.
 
Now that she's living on a tip, she spends her days feverishly rooting through trash and muttering little shopaholic mantras under her breath ("cashmere, Louboutin, half-off" etc).

 She'll be found dead in a bargain bin one day.

 

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Comments

    • DJRobC47

      Jul 30th 2009, 18:56

      Quite amusing if a bit over the top at points, will be getting a follow up for blokes?

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