Sick Stick

The Movie: Minority Report (2002) 

The Weapon: A night stick which emits a sonic frequency on contact, causing the victim to projectile vomit uncontrollably.

Why It’s Awesomely Stupid: Of all the futuristic non-lethal weaponry conceived by Spielberg and his team for this sci-fi crime flick, the sick stick is the one that really makes you go, ‘Firstly, ew. Secondly, where can I get one?’

Alongside the boom cannon, which emits a pulse of sound (similar to the one seen in this summer’s GI Joe), it makes for a tasty arsenal of humanitarian-friendly firepower.

Ridiculous because if you think about it, the average beat cop will spend the majority of his time covered head to toe in bile, though the thought of having one the next time some meathead in a bar has a go is rather mouthwatering.

In the clip, Cruise disarms his team and turns the sick sticks on them, which has got to be fairly embarrassing, but on the whole altogether less of an issue than being shot with your own gun.

We imagine that if these things actually existed, there would be a black market trade in sick sticks for the bulimic crowd, because jamming a night stick into your own ribs has to be preferable to swallowing your fingers.

(View from 9:00 mins) 

ZF-1

The Movie: The Fifth Element (1997)

The Weapon: An assault rifle that can break down into four pieces, undetectable by x-rays, with a 3000 round magazine, a "replay" button that sends all shots to a given location, a rocket launcher, an arrow launcher (with poison or explosive-tipped arrows), a net launcher, a flamethrower, a freeze feature, and self-destruct.

Why It’s Awesomely Stupid: This thing is epic. It is the Swiss army knife of assault rifles, a gun with so many features you could carry one for years and kill thousands without figuring out what all the buttons do.

When you’ve absolutely, positively got to kill every last motherfucker in the galaxy, accept no substitute. When you’re trying to remain stealthy, or looking for something to fit in your waistband, you may want to look elsewhere.

The ZF-1 may look cool in it’s own way, but it’s hardly Boyz ‘N’ The Hood material. Undetectable by X-ray? What about the naked eye. How do you miss that thing? Even in four pieces it hardly disguises as a bar of soap.

Awesome? Absolutely. But it’s also an implausibly ridiculous, inelegant example of overkill. Realistically you’d need arms like elephant legs to lift the thing, which hardly lends itself to the portable firearms market.

If you’re looking for a way to stage a one-man coup against the unstable dictator of a minor nation, then fine, but if it’s home security you’re looking for, one wrong button on this thing and you make not have a home to secure.

Next: Bone Sword, Nanobots