Iron Man Armour

The Movie: Iron Man (2008)

The Weapon: Gold-titanium alloy suit with forearm mounted anti-tank missiles, steering and retrothrust jets in the palms which double as repulsors, small anti-personnel guns in the shoulders, flare launchers on the hips, and a uni-beam projector in the center of his chest.

Why It’s Awesomely Stupid: What do you have in your garage? Chances are a few tools, some half-finished projects that you’re going to get around to one day and an old box of porn rendered obsolete by waxyourwalnut.com.

Unless that is you are Billionaire Industrialist Tony Stark, who can build the most advanced suit of armour known to man in his cellar. Of course this is the man that built a working prototype mini-fusion reactor in a desert cave out of junk.

The Iron Man armour, in all it’s incarnations, is simply so ridiculous that your brain short circuits and lets you believe it’s plausible because it’s probably the coolest boy toy in the world ever, and lord knows you want one.

Of course, the first thing most people do after renouncing their previous lives as a weapons developer and deciding to rid the world of your death machines is to build the most deadly, the most advanced weapon in creation.

That’s logic for you, folks.

In Tony Stark’s mind, he’s just making the suit so he can rid the world of weapons, but what is every ordinary decent megalomaniacal psychopath on the planet going to want instead of missles and guns? That’s right, a super suit.

Way to go, Tone.

Annihilator 2000

The Movie: Beverly Hills Cop III (1994)

The Weapon: The Annihilator 2000 has the conveniences of a cellphone, fax and microwave oven. Night-vision goggles, microprocessor, verbal alarm system, compact disc player, digital AM/FM radio, video camera and playback functions. It's also a gun, apparently.

Why It’s Awesomely Stupid: It has a microwave oven. Seriously. Of course if Bronson Pinchot was selling it, we’d be buying it. Easily the best thing about this exercise in unnecessary sequels is his camp salesman Serge.

This thing is about as realistic as a team of theme park security running a counterfeit currency operation under an abandoned ride, but hey, somebody thought that was a good idea too!

Carrying one of these things around would probably cause serious back problems, although you’d have the advantage of being able to call for help, warm up a bagel and listen some tunes while you await medical aid.

The second best part about the Annihilator 2000, after Bronson Pinchot, is the fact that it actually works, and that Foley uses it to tear up some serious theme park shit.

We put one on our Christmas list every year, but gave up holding our breath after about 30 secs.

Next: Lightsaber