The Kidnapper: Wretched prison-leaver Billy Brown (Vincent Gallo), in a pitiful attempt to convince his folks that he's a-courting.

The Kidnappee: Bemused, vaguely aroused white trash dance student Layla (Christina Ricci).

Does It End Well? Hell yes. Brown finally realises that it's love, rather than his juvenile quest for revenge, that offers redemption, and abandons his quest to gun down the sportsman whose missed kick effectively landed him in the slammer.

He even gets a heart-shaped cookie out of it - snacks AND sex then, can't really say fairer than that.