The Kidnappers: A gaggle of bent coppers, hoping to win back a videotape of them robbing and killing some dealers.

The Kidnappees: Initially just lustrous school ma'am Jessica Martin (Kim Basinger), but soon they've got her kid and husband as well. Conscientious work indeed.

Does It End Well? Evenutally. The Martins are liberated with only a few knocks and scrapes to show for their ordeal; the bad apples on the force are exposed thanks to the, er, 'miracle' of tape duplication; and the stranger with the cell phone (Chris Evans) gets to make Basinger promise never to call him again.

Which must be a non-Baldwin first for her.