The Kidnappers: Career petty criminal Hi McDunnough (Nicholas Cage) and his misguided policewoman wife Ed (Holly Hunter).

The Kidnappee: Local silver-spoon-sucking quintuplet Nathan Arizona Jr (TJ Kuhn).

Does It End Well? Yes, given that the swiped infant is targeted by a bevvy of bumbling ne'er-do-wells (not least a grenade-toting bounty hunter with an eye on the black market).

Nathan Jr ends up back in his own nursery rather than on eBay, so Hi and Ed dodge the presumably-quite-deep shitpuddle they should've landed in. Yee-haw!