Angelina Jolie - Alexander (2004)
Going For: Russian/Persian/Greek/Something/Something
Actually Is: Highly embarrassing for everyone involved.
Oliver Stone's Alexander is hardly synonymous with awesome, but in a production plagued by ham acting, crap casting, shoddy haircuts and diabolical dialogue, dear old Angie stands out like a sore accent.
As Olympias, Alexander the Great's proto-stage-mother and orchestrater of his rise to power, Jolie is a tour de force of scenery chomping fury, like a starving stage actor, she munches on everything in sight, seemingly insatiable.
Phonetic Phrasing: "Een mie wombe i carriede mye avengerrrr!" (0:31) Er... what?
Other Offenses: Tomb Raider I & II (RP), Sky Captain and The World of Tomorrow (RP)
Don Cheadle - Ocean's Eleven (2001)
Going For: Cocker-knee
Actually Is: Dick Van Dyke auditioning for The Italian Job after dropping acid.
In preparation for his role as explosives expert basher in Soderbergh's fun fun fun remake of the highly average rat pack original, Don Cheadle strapped himself to a chair and watched 96 hours of non-stop Michael Caine performances, in a scene reminisciant of something from The Parallax View.
Why someone thought Basher even needed to be cockney is anyone's guess.
We're assuming that Cheadle just turned up on set already doing it and in one of Clooney's better behind the scenes pranks, told everyone to tell Cheadle it was great and that he should "defo use it."
Phonetic Phrasing: "I feal grayte, fer a ded man" (1:39 in the trailer) Does he remind anyone else of the guy in Wayne's World II who says "I beat him to death with his own shoes... but that's another story" He does right!
Other Offenses: Ocean’s Twelve, Ocean’s Thirteen (Both as above)
Any Atrocious Accents you love to hate? You know where to comment...
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Comments
Rusty4bears
Jul 16th 2009, 12:04
What? No Robert Englund in 'The Adventures of Ford Fairlane'?? "Ello Ello Ello" Or Brion James in 'Tango & Cash' "Yoo wankah"
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padrigo
Jul 16th 2009, 12:30
What about Heath Ledger in Ned Kelly- worst Irish accent ever. Even worse than Tom Cruise in Far and Away.
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KittyFantastico
Jul 16th 2009, 12:35
How the hell did Keanu Reeves' accent in Bram Stoker's Dracula not make it in there? It's horrendous!
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imaginarium
Jul 16th 2009, 12:42
Orlando Bloom in Ned Kelly...
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dgoodswen
Jul 16th 2009, 12:51
If you read carefully, Keanu Reeves' accent from Bram Stoker's Dracula IS on the list, just his appearance in Youngblood predates it - don't worry, we're calling out his entire repertoire of accents!
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Agent69
Jul 16th 2009, 13:25
Please do one with 15 best accents.
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PadmanForever
Jul 16th 2009, 17:28
Sam Worthington was definitely a little shaky during pent up moments of T4 - Marcus suddenly became Australian. Russell Crowe syndrome. Hmm, best accents, now that would be a tricky'un. I was impressed at Johnny Depp's consistent (if not 100% authentic) handling of the Scottish accent in Finding Neverland. I'm half Scottish and I can't even manage a full sentence. Also, Christian Bale's usual non-accented American becomes pretty impressive when you hear his bizarre 'cockney in a blender with an Italian mafioso' speaking voice.
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dgoodswen
Jul 16th 2009, 18:37
Sam Worthington was definitely on the shortlist for his T4 shenanigans, the only reason he didn't make the cut was because he has no past form - if his accent is as wobbly in Avatar as it was in Terminator Savlon then we'll fully reconsider...
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ashley.russell
Jul 16th 2009, 18:38
I'm guessing TF have never seen a little period film called Basil starring Jared Leto and Christian Slater, both of them are horrendous and yet so so unintentionally funny
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ashley.russell
Jul 16th 2009, 18:38
I'm guessing TF have never seen a little period film called Basil starring Jared Leto and Christian Slater, both of them are horrendous and yet so so unintentionally funny
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Comex
Jul 16th 2009, 19:45
OK, OK...I can agree with most of the accents you have on this list, but do you really think that Gerard Butler was trying for any sort of Greek accent in "300"? I didn't hear that at all. And since when is a weird lisp the same as a Greek accent? Everyone in the movie was being a bit melodramatic (har-har) but that's not the same as affecting an accent.
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AYBGerrardo
Jul 16th 2009, 21:05
Sean Connery "Other Offenses: The Hunt For Red October (American)" Eh? Definitely worthy of a place on the list, but he was meant to be Russian. Funny that he learnt the language but couldn't drop his accent.
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AYBGerrardo
Jul 16th 2009, 21:08
Sean Connery "Other Offenses: The Hunt For Red October (American)" Eh? Definitely worthy of a place on the list, but he was meant to be Russian. Funny that he learnt the language but couldn't drop his accent.
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jdean888
Jul 17th 2009, 14:44
Brad Pitt in The Devil's Own was a laughable Northern Irish accent. Gerard Butler's P.S. I Love You attempt at Irish was pretty funny too, when he kept calling Hilary Swank 'Hahllee'.
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Desperation
Jul 17th 2009, 17:21
Natalie Portman in V for Vendetta?
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joeymac
Jul 17th 2009, 17:34
Don Cheadle single-handedly prevented Ocean's Eleven from being a 5* film.
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welshdragon42
Jul 17th 2009, 18:25
what no one has failed to mention so far is the amazingly diverse and odd range of (cough) interesting accents that we inflicted upon us in Beowulf, with complete inconsistency and weirdness from Ray Winstons cockney (no modification attempted) to a variety of English, American, and most importantly the bizzare and inconsistent oldy english/scandinavian/failing accent of John Malchovich! How can no one have noticed this (or maybe the men were oggling too much at the animated Angelina Jolie or freaked out by the muscled Ray Winston lookalike?)
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sirdday
Jul 18th 2009, 5:38
Meryl Streeps accent is spot on. aussies actually sound that bad. spot on meryl
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Bluey3
Jul 18th 2009, 16:09
Thank you so much for mentioning Tom Cruise [& Nicole Kidman] in Far & Away - this film has long been one of my all-time turkeys for the reasons you've given :-) Other dishonourable mentions ought [IMO] to go to would-be Oirish maidens Meg Ryan [Restoration] and Cameron Diaz [Gangs of New York]. Weren't there any Irish actresses available? On the same principle, I won't get started on Bridget Jones....
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Bluey3
Jul 18th 2009, 16:14
As someone has already mentioned Keanu Reeves... thought I'd add a note about his performance in Dangerous Liaisons aka Bill & Ted visit the 18th Century. Like, duuuude...
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apple
Jul 20th 2009, 23:48
marion cotillard in Public Enemies:she's radiant but her US accent is too bad every Brad Pitt accent:he's not good in accents Robert Downey Jr in "Sherlock Holmes" trailer:is Holmes an american guy?
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PadmanForever
Jul 21st 2009, 1:23
If you listen to the "Watson, what have you done?" line at the end of the Holmes trailer, there is definitely an accent there, but it would seem overall that Downey Jr is using the "softly softly" approach to accent work, which though it sometimes makes it seem like you're not trying, can be better than just walking about going (in this case) "Corr blimey, I'm from Lahndan taan". We'll see how it goes in the full film. Anyways, the reason I returned to this article was to ask something kind of along the lines of that "gentle accent" approach -- I saw a little bit of "Days of Thunder" tonight, and I can't remember - is Nicole Kidman even supposed to be trying not to be Australian? Because if she is, it certainly doesn't show.
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Jason Voorhees
Sep 3rd 2009, 0:12
Richard Gere in The Jackal is worse than anything, Keanu Reeves in Bram Stokers Dracula, Harrison Ford in K19 the widowmaker.
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Gunner1
Nov 4th 2009, 8:31
Clearly not a lot of South Africans commenting on this list, otherwise we'd have heard about Val Kilmer's utterly atrocious Cape Town accent in 'The Saint' - not to mention every single bloke who was supposed to be a South African in Lethal Weapon 2!! (and what's worse is that I believe Joss Ackland was born in SA, and yet his version of an SA accent was awful!!) On the other hand, what I've heard of Leo DiCaprio and Tim Robbins' accents in the trailers (haven't seen the films yet) of 'Blood Diamond' and 'Catch a Fire' were much closer to spot on!!
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sunnyrandall
Jan 18th 2010, 15:48
Gotta agree with Gunner1: Hands down, worst South African accent ever - Val Kilmer in The Saint - Oh, the horror, the horror.
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micdog2001
Jan 21st 2010, 1:54
It's funny, I'm from the San Francisco Bay Area and don't know much about accents and such and i will assume you are correct BUT I usually like all the films that these actors are in. Reeves, Costner, Connery, Crowe, it seems I don't even notice when they are bad.
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kmcryer
Feb 1st 2010, 15:53
Yes, many of these are really bad, but I can't believe you forgot these two: - The classic! Dick Van Dyke doing a cockney accent in "Mary Poppins." That alone should have taught Hollywood what a bad idea it was to hire American actors for British roles. - Ewan McGregor as a Southerner in "Big Fish." It was like his version of what a Confederate general may have sounded like. I swear to God that my ears were bleeding!
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KerrAvon
Mar 8th 2010, 22:10
Ewan MacGregor as Alec Guinness in the prequels, s**te!
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hlglazier
Apr 8th 2010, 23:42
Natalie portman in v for vendetta - worst british accent ive heard its almost insulting dick van dyke in mary poppins audrey in my fair lady brad pitt in inglorious basterds - what the hell was he trying?
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