A honeymooning couple rub up against a pair of lesbian vampires in a deserted hotel on the Ostend shoreline.

Shot in lush reds, this Belgian curio makes sex and violence a classy affair by shrouding its heated content in the hushed morgue atmospherics of, say, Death In Venice or Last Year In Marienbad.

Delphine Seyrig’s cougar vamp is Dietrich with fangs.

Argh! Vampires don’t like running water so a spot of shower sex turns the bathroom red.

Remake rights: Let The Right One In’s Tomas Alfredson is a first-base choice, but Lars Von Trier does arthouse controversy like no one else.