The Vamp: Amilyn (Paul Reubens), the undead manslave to head vamp Lothos (Rutger Hauer).

The Lame: This guy just doesn’t know when to croak. Even when Buffy’s staked him, he hangs around like a crap punchline that can’t find a decent place to die. Lothos is not much better – a cape-wearing preener whose bark is worse than his bite.

How To Make Him Cool: Have David Boreanaz play him.