20 Movie Things That Won't Happen In 2011

Predictions that we’re pretty sure are totally wrong

By Josh WinningDec 31st 2010
1

Michael Bay decides to make a small, personal movie

Why It Won’t Happen: Hello world, we’d like you to meet somebody by the name of Michael Bay, aka Master Of Earth-Shaking Movie Explosions. A cheetah never changes its spots, and Michael Bay is a ‘splosion-loving movie version of that springy feline.

What If It Does? Bay decides to clear up rumours that he was born after a comet ploughed into Earth’s atmosphere, and writes his own history on screen, detailing his high school traumas and dreams of attending Wesleyan Uni.

Then decides it’s really boring without anything blowing up, so goes the ‘inspired by a true story’ route, casting himself as a new age vigilante. With guns. And explosions. And flags. That are on fire.
 

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    • magicwings

      Dec 31st 2010, 16:08

      2 points: 1) The first user comment is, quite clearly, spam. 2) Thor *WILL* be pants. Clash of the Titans-level of pants.

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    • Hadouken76

      Dec 31st 2010, 18:11

      Thats not spam, thats just a list of knock-off stuff around his house!

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    • Callum

      Jan 1st 2011, 13:46

      If only talking in the cinema were made illegal. I feel like my human rights are violated every time some horrible little seventeen year old stumbles across some nugget of genius that he just HAS to share with everyone. Or any group of middle-aged women have a 'girls' night'.

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    • Callum

      Jan 1st 2011, 13:46

      If only talking in the cinema were made illegal. I feel like my human rights are violated every time some horrible little seventeen year old stumbles across some nugget of genius that he just HAS to share with everyone. Or any group of middle-aged women have a 'girls' night'.

      Alert a moderator

    • Callum

      Jan 1st 2011, 13:46

      If only talking in the cinema were made illegal. I feel like my human rights are violated every time some horrible little seventeen year old stumbles across some nugget of genius that he just HAS to share with everyone. Or any group of middle-aged women have a 'girls' night'.

      Alert a moderator

    • Toursiveu

      Jan 1st 2011, 19:49

      Uwe Boll has ALREADY made a good movie. Not a masterpiece, but a good movie. It's called Rampage and it's by far the best thing he's ever done.

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    • Jeffbiscuits

      Jan 2nd 2011, 0:41

      Some of tehe gifts in that original spam sound truly indispensable. I'm already writing my Christmas list for next year. I really need a new nose trimmer and eyebrow clip! My beer belt is starting to fray. WTF are laser scissors? I guess I could store them all in my portable little bag?

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    • Gorty

      Jan 3rd 2011, 7:45

      Mel Gibson builds a synagogue. 'Iron Sky' movie hits the theaters.

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    • MrJellyfish

      Jan 3rd 2011, 23:42

      Tarantino wouldn't make a Gut-wrenching and tear-inducing kids film, he'd make a kids film that is exactly the same as every other film he makes but without the violence and swearing. Seriously, do people still believe he's capable of doing anything original anymore?

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    • QuietLife

      Jan 5th 2011, 12:18

      My god, this is the first time I feel I've missed out due to the spam being removed before I read the article! Laser Scissors?? Count me in!

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    • DanielMcA

      Jan 5th 2011, 21:53

      Spam!? Don't try to scare me with your spam. I eat spam for breakfast!

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    • TheTingler

      Jan 12th 2011, 7:01

      I suspect Thor will be pants. And hasn't Uwe Boll already made a good movie?

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