Wish You Were Here
A much sought-after retreat for the usual reasons – lovely woodland, homely cave, friendly bunch of fellow tourists, and the not insignificant benefit of immortality bestowed on anyone who visits and isn’t a pirate.

Holiday From Hell
Actually, on closer inspection those friendly fellow tourists are in fact precocious stage-school kids smarming it up for Spielberg’s over-sentimental camera. And the food is all imaginary. And the pirates are the coolest people here. Is it hometime yet?