Wish You Were Here
Only idiots cruise in actual water. For the true luxury experience, it’s got to be the stars. The Axiom offers fully automated everything – food preparation, walking assistance, arse-wiping – and almost certainly has a bar on board somewhere with Sky Sports.

Holiday From Hell
It’s designed as a giant electronic nanny to the human race, so spend too much time on board and your descendants will eventually become teeny-boned pink slugs. Oh, and the computer is an insane, mutinous psychopath... Maybe do just one more availability search for last minute Devon cottages...