25 Movie Lines You Must Never Quote

Annoying film phrases that aren't funny anymore...

 

There's nothing wrong with seeing a film packed with catchphrases, then going round for a couple of weeks, repeating them to your mates.

It's one of the joys of cinema. But, be warned, there is a definite cut-off point. Two weeks after strolling out of the cinema, yes. Two years after watching the DVD - definitely no.

Below is a handy ticklist of the movie quotes you shouldn't be spouting, especially not if you're standing anywhere near us.
 

"Gosh!" Jon Heder Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

Movie Context: Anytime Napoleon has to do something he doesn’t like, he spouts this one - complete with breathy gasp and face frown.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: The neighbourhood Emo, when you tell him to stop cutting himself on your lawn.

Fitting Comeback: “I’ll give you something to be emotional about” followed by a karate chop to the throat.


 

"Zip It" Mike Myers Austin Powers The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)

Movie Context: Dr. Evil talking to teenage son, Scott. This one is occassionally made more annoying by elaborations - www.zipit.com - and hand gestures.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: That smug business type who just cut in line at the coffee shop.

Fitting Comeback: Grab their hand as they make the ‘zip it’ gesture, and break all their fingers.

 
Next: Scarface, Jerry Maguire

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"Say hello to my little friend!" Al Pacino Scarface (1982)

Movie Context: Outnumbered, wounded and coked off his tits, Pacino pulls out the mother of all assault rifles and goes to town on his assailants.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: Chad, the trust fund ponce, as he pulls up outside the pub in his new convertible Porsche.

Fitting Comeback: A swift boot to the face, all made possible by the open topped nature of the convertible. Look away as if nothing happened.
 
 

 

"Show me the money!" Tom Cruise/Cuba Gooding Jr. Jerry Maguire (1995)

Movie Context: Jerry is trying to persuade client Rod Tidwell to stay with his agency – Rod wants Jerry to show him the money.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: Some Chugger (Charity Mugger), on the street asking for your pocket lining for faceless charity organisation.

Fitting Comeback: Calmly reply "no" and take the few footsteps it would require to reach a new chugger. If they manage to approach you without quoting the line, donate heavily.

 

Next: 300, Taxi Driver

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"This is SPARTA!" Gerard Butler 300 (2007)

Movie Context: King Leonidis reminds a Persian emissary exactly where he is.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: The Captain of the opposing 5-a-side team, full of semi-professionals, who've just scored their ninth goal of the first half.

Fitting Comeback: Leave your boot-print square on his chest, then once he’s down, continually impale him on your studded footwear, in occassional slow motion, barking "this is Hackney."

 

"You talkin’ to me?" Robert DeNiro Taxi Driver (1976)

Movie Context: Bobby D tries out his tough-man persona in the mirror.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: The ‘tough-guy’ in the nightclub who stands in your way and refuses to budge, even after you ask politely.

Fitting Comeback: “Yes” then break his nose with your forehead.

 

Next: Forrest Gump, Ace Ventura

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"Life is like a box of chocolates…" Tom Hanks Forrest Gump (1993)

Movie Context: Gump regales members of the public waiting at a bus stop with his mother’s various pearls of wisdom.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: The ‘friend’ who is trying to console your recent life drama/tragedy/relegation from the Premier League.

Fitting Comeback: “You’re right” before plucking out their eyeballs and eating them. Like a box of chocolates.


 

"Allllll righty then" Jim Carrey Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)

Movie Context: Uttered sarcastically on several occasions, when in conversation with a lesser intellect.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: The call center customer service rep who is dealing with your complaint.

Fitting Comeback: Drive to call centre. Politely ask to speak to the rep. Forearm to the jaw. Drive away triumphant.

 

Next: Austin Powers, Braveheart

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"Do I make you horny baby?" Mike Myers Austin Powers IMM (1997)

Movie Context: Austin Powers talking to foxy female agent Liz Hurley.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: Your girlfriend’s guy ‘friend’ who is a little too flirtatious for his own good.

Fitting Comeback: “Yeah baby” – followed by an open palmed slap to the face. It will not only hurt, it will embarrass him sufficiently that he starts to cry.
 

 

"They may take our lives, but they’ll never take our freedom!" Mel Gibson Braveheart (1992)

Movie Context: Mel is trying to gee up the troops ahead of their fight with the English.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: Your boss on a highland ‘motivational retreat’.

Fitting Comeback: “I quit” – then ram your resignation down his throat, taking all his teeth with your fist.

 

Next: Wall Street, You Got Served

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“Greed is Good” Michael Douglas Wall Street (1987)

Movie Context: Gordon Gekko philosophises on the nature of stock broking to young buck Charlie Sheen.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: The investment banker at the next table down the pub.

Fitting Comeback: “The ‘80s just called, they want their mantra back” – then wrap his glass of Pimms round his smug grin.


 

"You Got Served" Omari Grandberry You Got Served (2004)

Movie Context: Having just won the dance competition, Omari turns to the leader of the rival dance group and boasts “You suckers got served”.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: A bystander during a public argument with your spouse/significant other, after your manhood is called into question.

Fitting Comeback: A berserker rage attack to the face, directing all your previous anger onto the big-mouthed bystander.
 

Next: Borat, Pulp Fiction

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"Is niiice" Sasha Baron Cohen Borat (2006)

Movie Context: Borat talking to camera during his adventures around the US.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: That group of office workers out to let their hair down after the working week.

Fitting Comeback: “2006 was three years ago, get over it” - then hit them so hard they get amnesia.


"Well there's this passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you." I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass. I never gave much thought what it meant. I just thought it was some cold-blooded shit to say to a motherfucker before I popped a cap in his ass. I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. See now I'm thinkin', maybe it means you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. 9 Milimeter here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could mean you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. Now I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." Sam Jackson Pulp Fiction (1995)

Movie Context: Jules is imparting his fake biblical wisdom upon a group of young drug dealers.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: The guy at the office Christmas party who you have to play in the Guitar Hero Championship, who knows the whole speech.

Fitting Comeback: “You said it wrong” - then as he looks puzzled, twang him round the head with his guitar, barking "Say what again!"

 

Next: Dr No, Terminator 2

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"The namshe Bond, Jamshe Bond" Sean Connery Dr. No (1962)

Movie Context: Sean Connery’s Schottish Bond introduces himself, in mad plan of honesty, to everyone in Jamaica.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: Your ex's new Boyfriend, who is in a band or something.

Fitting Comeback: Strangle him with that From Russia With Love-style garotte-watch you got for Christmas last year.

 

 

"Hasta la vista, baby" Arnold Schwarzenegger T2: Judgement Day (1991)

Movie Context: The T-800 blows away the guy who replaced Mulder in X-Files. It's a brilliant line - but only when Arnie says it.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: The brown-noser at work, who thinks he’s everybody’s friend, and that he’s very, very cool.

Fitting Comeback: Drop a desk on his car, from the roof, while he’s inside.

 

Next: The Sixth Sense, The Shining

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"I see dead people" Haley Joel Osment The Sixth Sense (1999)

Movie Context: Creepy kid tells Dead Private Dick what’s troubling him.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: On one of those slogan tee-shirts that have infinitely more personality than people who wear them. 

Fitting Comeback: “Me too” – then pull on a bedsheet and ghost the hell out of him until he runs away screaming.


 

"Here’s Johnny" Jack Nicholson The Shining (1981)

Movie Context: Wacky Jack hacks through a door with an axe in a murderous rage.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: Johnny, the arrogant pretty boy that nobody likes but puts up with because he has a summer house in Wales.

Fitting Comeback: Knock him out, then – “And there he goes”.
 

Next: Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers, Titanic

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"My precioussss" Andy Serkis Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

Movie Context: Gollum talking about the one ring, his raison d’etre.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: That guy in the extremely annoying cinema advert for the UK Film Industry.

Fitting Comeback: Burn down the cinema. Find the ad agency responsible, repeatedly punch them all in the face, track down the actor responsible and beat him a new face with one of his own arms.


 

"I’m King of the world!" Leo DiCaprio Titanic (1997)

Movie Context: Lowly con-man Leo is riding on the front of the Titanic, pre-Iceberg.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: James Cameron.

Fitting Comeback: A firm congratulatory hand-shake. It's Jim Cameron, he can do what he likes.

 

Next: Dirty Harry, Anchorman

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"Do you feel lucky, punk?" Clint Eastwood Dirty Harry (1971)

Movie Context: Clint has shot his Magnum six times… or was it five…?

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: The wannabe pool shark who just challenged you to a game.

Fitting Comeback: Break your cue over his forehead. Insert cue where sun doesn’t shine. Leave, because you’re actually pretty rubbish at pool.
 

 


"I love lamp" Steve Carrell Anchorman (2004)

Movie Context: With an IQ of 48, Brick Tamland is trying to show he can love too, with hilarious results.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: That guy at work that’s seen Anchorman too many times.

Fitting Comeback: “If you love it so much, then eat it” – then literally force him to eat lamp.

 

Next: Monty Python And The Holy Grail, Aliens, Swingers

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"Ni" Michael Palin Monty Python And The Holy Grail (1975)

Movie Context: Arthur and the gang enter the Black Forest, to be confronted by the Knights who say “Ni”.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: Some kid in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, currently playing in your online game of Animal Crossing.

Fitting Comeback: Ticket to Baton Rouge. Baseball bat. Face.


 

"Game over man! Game over!" Bill Paxton Aliens (1986)

Movie Context: Paxton’s Marine panics when the Xenomorphs attack.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: A fan of the opposing football team, after they score in the last minute, winning the game.

Fitting Comeback: Throw him through the TV screen, then walk away cursing your team.


 

"You’re so money and you don’t even know it" Vince Vaughn Swingers (1996)

Movie Context: Vince Vaughn is trying to inspire confidence in sullen buddy Mike.

Who’s Most Likely To Quote It: Your ‘pulling machine’ friend who thinks he’s the biggest thing to happen to women since Grazia magazine.

Fitting Comeback: “We’re Total Film, of course we know how money we are” - then hobble both his legs.

 

Right, after all that, we're off to have a soothing bath, with some of that stress easing bubble-juice.

Any movie quotes you can't stand? Let us know in the comments.

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Comments

    • Henriksen86

      Jun 10th 2009, 11:29

      Where is those anoying quotes from The Dark Knight? Why so serious and lets put a smile on that face. It just sounds stupid coming out of the mouth of a 13-year old who thinks the dark knight is the best film evarz!

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    • BigAndyT

      Jun 10th 2009, 12:41

      Anyone who thinks impersonating austin powers is still funny "groovy baby" never was funny, and never will be, shut up you dick!

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    • irishbrian

      Jun 10th 2009, 13:40

      Gotta say, bigandyt i cannot agree more, bunch of knob jockeys.

      Alert a moderator

    • KerrAvon

      Jun 10th 2009, 13:44

      I think you'll find show me the money is still a good one and is usually shouted by agents and whatnot after closing a deal. At least arnie quotes will never go out of fashion, right? Wrong!

      Alert a moderator

    • scabo33

      Jun 10th 2009, 16:23

      Scarface and Jeryy Maguire are still as funny as ever! :)

      Alert a moderator

    • bont91

      Jun 10th 2009, 18:36

      "hes james cameron he can do what he likes" your nose is looking a bit brown there TF

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    • AKRajala

      Jun 10th 2009, 18:55

      As much as I love Star Wars... what about the million it spawned: "Luke, I am your father." (not even an accurate quote!) "Use the force." and on and on

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    • alowe

      Jun 10th 2009, 19:40

      Irony, bont! :)

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    • VigilantEagle

      Jun 10th 2009, 20:28

      Alright what films can we quote? "I'm waiting to be impressched!" (Sean Connery style)

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    • ashley.russell

      Jun 10th 2009, 22:52

      you can always, always quote Office Space

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    • Padman

      Jun 11th 2009, 2:07

      Ah, I think "Game over, man!" should always be allowed for the pure fact that it allows you to pick out people who have watched Aliens properly/enough times to appreciate and know the characters outside of Ripley. I'm lucky in having older brothers, meaning that my friends and I had been calling dibs on who wanted to be Hicks, Hudson, Frost, Drake, Apone etc as far back as primary school games.

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    • beeblue

      Jun 11th 2009, 10:32

      i was a bartender once. we served pabst blue ribbon. a lot of people have seen "blue velvet". and let me tell you, "f**k heineken" gets really old....

      Alert a moderator

    • huntjo1

      Jun 11th 2009, 19:15

      The actual line is, 'The question is do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk!' The line is always mis-quoted but I expected better tut tut tut! haha

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    • lfrost

      Jun 11th 2009, 20:32

      You had me at anything from Jerry McGuire! And yes only Arnie should quote Arnie!

      Alert a moderator

    • dgoodswen

      Jun 11th 2009, 23:00

      huntjo1 we wrote that because that's what people say when they quote it - we know it's a misquote :)

      Alert a moderator

    • thejonner

      Jun 12th 2009, 9:51

      Has Charlie Brooker started working for Total Film?

      Alert a moderator

    • WileyWasabi

      Jun 12th 2009, 15:41

      I dated a guy a few years ago who was still impersonating Pauly Shore...gee, wonder why that relationship didn't work out.

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    • xynobis

      Jun 13th 2009, 6:37

      that.. was a good bit.

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    • crowbar990

      Jun 14th 2009, 20:38

      brual total film, really really bad, not a funny or original 1 on the list, and your comebacks sound like something out of nuts or loaded, this was a good site once

      Alert a moderator

    • wolfgirl

      Jun 15th 2009, 11:07

      When 'Shrek' (2001) came out, Donkey quotes/impressions got SOOOOO old...

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    • pimpernel

      Jun 15th 2009, 22:03

      What about, "He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!" from Life of Brian? I say that way too oft- I mean other people do, yeah...

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    • davebaxter1989

      Jun 21st 2009, 0:59

      Can't believe you put Anchorman, Total Film you and me are done professionally. That was my clever way of saying that celebrity outburst quotes have a shelf life of less than a week. But really your just jealous of the Anchorman guy.

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    • DanzierRebirth

      Jul 26th 2009, 10:17

      I thought this was right on the money. There are more quotes that should never be said, but its ten in the morning and I can't be arsed to think about them. And as for anchorman being funny? In my opinion people who find Anchorman funny, also find Borat, Ali G and Bruno funny and I have one conclusion about them = One Brain Cell

      Alert a moderator

    • ManMadeMonkey

      Oct 27th 2009, 0:02

      Whilst I've got to agree with most, even now me and my friends can't stop quoting Anchorman. It IS the most quotable film ever and I don't believe it will ever get old.

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    • Jkaltz11

      Oct 29th 2009, 7:52

      This isn't an annoying quote or a commonly uttered one but it is the best xD. " The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince the world he didn't exist and likle that p**f... hes gone! Usual Suspects :D

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