Why So Boring? Vanity projects. Hitherto cool directors trying to get arty. Misguided remakes. Being stuck on a desert island that isn't the one in Lost.
All of these are, individually, are boring. Collectively, they make Guy and Madge's ill-fated venture a perfect storm of mediocrity.
Remember: only two films after Lock, Stock, this didn't even get a British cinema release.
How To Add A Bit Of Excitement: Order the Mockney duo to stick to what they know. Madonna sings and cavorts in a conical bra. Ritchie brings in Vinnie Jones to shoot her.
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Comments
Graam701
Jun 14th 2010, 8:55
Someone seems to have missed a big-un off the list. A little film called "The Happening"!!! The single best ironic movie title ever as nothing happens! It bored my eyes into the back of my skull. Maybe I'm alone in this one??
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Ramah
Jun 14th 2010, 11:08
What, no Million Dollar Hotel? Without a doubt the single most boring film I've ever had the misfortune to attempt to watch.
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Wintermute
Jun 14th 2010, 12:00
Boring movies, eh? Well how about, and I feel that I'll be in a gross minority with this one, the turgid, overlong and mind-numbing CGI snorefest that was "Avatar"? "Oooh, doesn't it look so PRETTY?" "You obviously didn't connect with the deep, metaphysical and spiritual themes" "A awe-inspiring, life-enhancing cinematic journey" "The best film EVAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" Yeah, okay, I've heard all four, and more, more times than I care to mention but the truth still remains that it bored this particular unsuspecting moviegoer beyond tears with its crass environmental messages, weak love story, corny dialogue and complete dearth of any original ideas in its overstuffed blue cranium ... frankly I'd take both "Matrix Revolutions" and "At World's End" over Cameron's CGIgasm any day of the week (except Wednesday when I do a longer shift at work!) ... surely I'm not the ONLY one here?
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Shelbiie
Jun 14th 2010, 12:41
I agree with Graam701 for the Happening. That was tediously boring. What about Twilight (grow some balls and put it on the damn list! It was rubbish!) I also believe The Box and Knowing were utter c**p as well. I slightly agree with Wintermute about avatar. I admit it's very, very pretty, I do own the DVD but the story is very predictable and boring. That's what let it down for me. :( Not forgetting: Vantage Point, Kingdom of Crystal Skull, and I also found (500) Days of Summer quite dull in parts.
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jasminaz02
Jun 14th 2010, 13:20
Pirates of the Caribbean 3 is the only film I've ever considered walking out of-i had never been so bored in my life
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Graam701
Jun 14th 2010, 14:28
Oh yeah good call Shelbiie!! Knowing was a big steaming pile of pap! I think I'd blocked that from my memory. Dont get me started on Indy 4! I might lose it and get all punchy, I think south park summed up Indy 4 best in those horrid flashbacks!
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MrSoze
Jun 14th 2010, 16:03
Where's Valhalla Rising? How dull could a film about marauding Vikings be? Well after an hour of people bumbling around a lake in random colour filters and staring off into the middle distance I had a solid idea. I was praying for an aneurysm.
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Dunnlop
Jun 14th 2010, 16:57
The Happening was one of the funniest films I think I've ever seen. Yes it may have been boring, but no more so than Lady in the Water. Happening, unintentionally, at least made me laugh out loud, especially with the plastic plants. Still rubbish though, but if M. Night Swoddywoddy had said it was a spoof, he might have got more appreciation.
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Hadouken76
Jun 14th 2010, 18:44
House of flying daggers was all airy fairy pretentious bolloques and the fight scenes were boring compared to police storys bone-crunching smackdowns. Jonathan Livingstone Seagull was eye-gaugingly slow you could feel your hair grow.
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agentblackacid
Jun 14th 2010, 20:45
Bollocks re: Gerry. And how can you lay into Elephant and Last days in the same breath? Sure, I appreciate these films are an acquired taste but Casey Affleck, Matt Damon and Gus Van Sant pretty much delivered everything they could based on the fact that it was the story of 2 guys lost in the desert. What are they going to do to make it 'exciting'? through in a love interest? A dream sequence? Give one of the characters a gun? Life isn't always full on but sometimes a change of pace is refreshing and like with documentaries you can learn something different.
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KerrAvon
Jun 14th 2010, 20:47
2012 was a fun free zone which made Twilight look like shakespeare and not stroppy kids sighing every few minutes.
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DanielMcA
Jun 14th 2010, 21:07
I fell asleep in Phantom Menace. I'd had a few beers and felt guilty about it so I got it out again. I fell asleep again. It was the pod race in the middle. It was like watching someone play a dull videogame. Although, it did affirm one thing in my mind - Star Wars was for children.
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r0rshach
Jun 14th 2010, 22:20
The Good Shepherd? Really?!?!? Go and read your own review of this quality movie Total Film.
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ManMadeMonkey
Jun 14th 2010, 22:37
Wintermute, I couldn't agree with you more. I would rather watch every movie on this list and then add TF2 than have to suffer through Avatar again.
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Mattsimus
Jun 14th 2010, 23:47
Well i think its pretty obvious when reading ur comments that only a one MrSoze has my vote, VALHALLA RISING!!!! when in fact nothing arose, not excitment, bp,oooh except maybe my lack of interest, i Love a good epic but a film thats epically bad is summin else!!! What was that dude from Casino Royale thinking???
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Ali1748
Jun 15th 2010, 2:04
The Spirit !!!!!!!
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darjeelingmike
Jun 15th 2010, 14:53
@ MrSoze and Mattsimus I think you were expecting something different from 'Valhalla Rising', it's not meant to be a Viking beat 'em up, it's a very thoughtful, existential movie. You can read my review here which covers why it's not boring: http://e-filmblog.blogspot.com/2010/05/valhalla-rising-nicolas-winding-refn.html I agree it's not for everyone though.
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DanRose
Jun 15th 2010, 17:50
whatever you say Valhalla Rising was slow and boring and you can't really say films like Indy 4 and Avatar were boring. I know a few of you like to think you are better than the rest of us by pouring scorn of Avatar...but boring? Really. You'll never let that film go will you. Pompous idiots... personally I feel asleep watching My Name is Joe..that is a boring film.
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DanRose
Jun 15th 2010, 17:53
whatever you say Valhalla Rising was slow and boring and you can't really say films like Indy 4 and Avatar were boring. I know a few of you like to think you are better than the rest of us by pouring scorn of Avatar...but boring? Really. You'll never let that film go will you. Pompous idiots... personally I feel asleep watching My Name is Joe..that is a boring film.
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ash333
Jun 15th 2010, 20:05
People keep mentioning rubbish films instead of boring films.. Why has no one mentioned The New World?? 2 hours of Colin Farrell and just when you think it's over Christian bale turns up for a further hour.. Everybody whispers and nothing happens and at the end you feel angry and ruined
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ARmy2510
Jun 16th 2010, 18:51
Well, Matrix Revolutions are not boroing. They're just a little more complicated than most of stupid and dull blockbusters. These are totally boring movies: The Happening The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button Avatar Alice In Wonderlend Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of Crystal Skull New Moon
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docemmettbrown
Jun 18th 2010, 14:20
Some of these really shouldn't be on here (nothing with Jack Sparrow in it could be considered THAT boring) though I must thank you for including Gerry. Man that film made me angry!
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Nickey09
Jun 18th 2010, 19:46
This list is awesome - as always it should be longer to accommodate the great lists that have been put forth by the genius commentators. :)
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kmcryer
Jun 18th 2010, 19:56
Personally, I think "Out of Africa" should be much higher up on this list. I also think you should add "Lawrence of Arabia" and "Eyes Wide Shut." I saw the latter in the theater. I fell asleep on it, woke up, and didn't feel like I'd missed anything at all.
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kmcryer
Jun 18th 2010, 19:59
Personally, I think "Out of Africa" should be much higher on the list. I would also add "Lawrence of Arabia" and "Eyes Wide Shut." I saw the latter in the theater. I fell asleep, woke up, and didn't feel like I'd missed a thing.
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jceaser
Jun 19th 2010, 0:53
am compelled to agree on eyes wide shut. one of the single most boring and pretentious movies i've ever had the misfortune to view. it will/still haunts me for eons.
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allykatharvey
Jun 19th 2010, 15:37
I hardly dare to admit to falling asleep in Casino Royale because I really like Daniel Craig as 007! But I did. Not once but twice. The second time I got about 20 minutes in. Shall I try again and miss say, the first hour?
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aliceISalive
Jun 20th 2010, 14:34
when I saw Gerry on this list I completely forgot what this list was called, and went ahead and watched it. why?? (because I love Casy Affleck) f*** me. it is SO unbelieveably boring. I fastforwarded until he died then switched it off.
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zakmccormack
Jun 21st 2010, 13:18
The Happening was definatley one of the most boring films ever, along with the one about that talking pig Babe i do believe it was called. Yes I did watch it when I was a little'un but it was so bad I asked my mum if we could leave the cinema early due to the fact it was so boring
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jamiecfc1
Jun 21st 2010, 15:34
I fell asleep during Armageddon for about 30 minutes and didn't miss a lot. Anyway some of these films are oxymoronic, just reading through the film's descriptions should set off the "boring" alarm, I've only seen 2 of the top 10 and have no reald desire to see the other 8 any time soon...
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Denzil
Jul 11th 2010, 13:22
I agree that Valhalla Rising should be in there, a film which seemed to be permanently stuck on the pause button.
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FBBGil
Jul 5th 2011, 14:11
I'm surprised that Lav Diaz's movies aren't featured here.
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olsquareeyes
Jul 14th 2011, 13:17
I would like to substitute a few of these with Open Water, Solaris (remake) 2001 and The Tree of Life. Admit it: the latter two, whilst both ambitious and profound, are ultimately boring.
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TinEar85
Jul 15th 2011, 5:26
Great list. Might I add Scenes From a Marriage, Gates of Heaven, and The Ring. I actually fell asleep watching all of these and--in the case of The Ring--so did a few other people in the room.
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TinEar85
Jul 15th 2011, 5:26
Great list. Might I add Scenes From a Marriage, Gates of Heaven, and The Ring. I actually fell asleep watching all of these and--in the case of The Ring--so did a few other people in the room.
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Jrdnsans1792
Sep 1st 2011, 0:52
God, this is a terrible list. 'Cold Mountain', 'Out Of Africa', 'Far and Away', 'Gerry', 'Seabiscuit' and 'Meet Joe Black' shouldn't be on this list for the simple reason that not one of those films is boring. The only films i agree with on this list are 'At Worlds End' and 'The Postman'. With 'Empire', 'Blue' and 'The Cure For Insomnia', well yeah they were boring but c'mon, they weren't exactly supposed to be entertaining were they? A few films which i believe deserve a place on this list are 'The Happening' (which judging from the other comments i'm not alone on), 'Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen' which proves that ridiculously OTT action sequences and explosions fail to make a movie exciting, 'Paranormal Activity' which is one of the most boring films i've ever seen and a definite contender for the s**ttest film of all time and 'The International' which was almost as boring as Clive Owen himself.
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Jrdnsans1792
Sep 1st 2011, 1:12
Also i think that 'Troy', 'Dead Poets Society', 'Open Water', 'Safe' and 'Liberty Stands Still' are all strong contenders for a place on this list.
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bloagsat
Sep 23rd 2011, 21:12
I would like to nominate "Aguirre: The Wrath of God", "Zardoz" and (oh this one ought to bring the wrath of celluloid junkies down upon my head), "2001: A Space Odyssey". That's right, I said it!! I've tried watching 2001, four times now and I just can't do it. There could be winning lottery numbers scrolling through the background 15 minutes into the film, and there just isn't enough RedBull and methamphetamine on the planet to keep my eyes from rolling back into my skull. I think Stanley Kubrick was secretly Andy Kaufman, and he was just taking the p*ss out of everyone. Seriously, did anyone ever see the two of them in the same room together?
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