30 Funniest Movie Jokes
Great gags, perfect puns and lewd laugh-grabbers...
BY Aug 28th 2009 12:12PMFILED UNDER: Features
User Comments (2)
The history of movies is loaded with jokes.
We all have lines that make us laugh - sometimes in spite of ourselves.
'They' say that laughter is the best medicine, so consider this the cinematic equivalent of a wander around Boots...
Do add your own favourites in the comments or send them on via Twitter...
Dirty Jokes
I use so much hand lotion when I am masturbating that when I see people in public using hand lotion I'm thinking, "Holy shit, they're about to jerk off!"
-Funny People
Hello, my name is Lilah Krytsick, and on our wedding night, my husband gave me something very long and hard... a new name.
-Punchline
There once was a woman who was quite begat. She had three babies named Nat, Pat, and Tat.
She said it was fun in the breeding, but found it was hell in the feeding when she saw there was no tit for Tat.
-Shoot 'Em Up
It's a family, the Cavanaughs - Ann and William. They're eating dinner, and they just finish, and their maid comes in and she clears the plates.
And they have two children, Betsy and Timmy. And Ann suggests that they all go into the drawing room, where Ann then braids Betsy's beautiful blonde hair.
The husband, he plays chess with Timmy - and then the maid comes in with strawberries and whipped cream, and they all eat a nice dessert. And that's the act.
What do you call an act like that?
The C**ks******g M****rf******s
-The Aristocrats
“The doctor draws two circles and says ‘What do you see?’ the guy says ‘Sex.’”
So the doctor draws trees, ‘What do you see?’ The guy says ‘sex.’ The doctor draws a car, owl, ‘Sex, sex, sex.’
The doctor says to him. ‘You are obsessed with sex!’ He replies, ‘Well you're the one drawing all the dirty pictures!’”
-What about Bob?
Next: Insult Jokes
Print Comments (2)
1: euanmcgrath says
Brilliant... you guys bloody rule you know
Posted: Aug 28th 2009 // 11:56AMAlert a moderator
2: thejonner says
What about Catch Me If You Can?
Hanratty: Well, would you like to hear me tell a joke?
Amdursky: Yeah, yeah, we'd love to hear a joke from you.
Hanratty: Knock, knock.
Amdursky: Who's there?
Hanratty: Go f**k yourselves.
Priceless, and brilliantly partially used later in the film.
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