Drag-queen. Scientologist. Dog-voicer.
Pros: Might work as a New Agey touchy-feely Santa - LearJet instead of sled, tinfoil hat, red robes of recyclable hemp....
Cons: Would eat all the mince pies. And then start on the reindeer.
Frightening, cadaverous, vampirical monster-man. Frequently mistaken by ex-cons as an old cellmate. (True. He told us this).
Pros: Would be only too happy to teach children the true meaning of Christmas (loneliness, pain, unhealthy self-reflection) - rasping it into their ears in a half-burping voice.
Cons: Santa don't dance.