3. Peter Weir

Why him? His experience with sea-set epics is proven thanks to Master And Commander. Box office be damned, it’s a great film.

Weir always does interesting work, and we’d love to see what he could do given free reign on a mega-budget movie.

Why not him? He made Green Card. Kidding! We just don’t think there’d be enough to keep him interested.

Oh, and the last time he tried to work with Johnny Depp (on abortive gun-runner drama Shantaram), the pair didn’t see eye to eye and Weir left the film. No one needs to see that happen in the middle of Pirates 4.

Sample Jerry Bruckheimer note: “Peter, please quit sending Russell Crowe round to my office to personally deliver your responses to my suggestions. I’ve spent nearly the budget of the last film getting the walls fixed!”