Horror flick titles have a habit of lying to us. Whether they're faking finality (Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter, Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare) or tricking us into going to see them by pretending to be part of an ongoing franchise (Halloween: Season Of The Witch), horror films can't be trusted. Especially not this lot.
7. Shaun Of The Dead
The Lie: Shaun isn’t of the dead. He doesn’t die at any point in the film, so he’s not of the dead in that sense. He doesn’t represent them or join their cause at any point, so he’s not even of them figuratively speaking.
His mate does become a zombie (Ed Of The Dead, anyone?), but even then Shaun keeps him locked in the shed to play PlayStation with. We don’t ever see Shaun campaigning for zombie rights.
The Re-Title: Shaun Of The People Who Have To Put Up With The Dead.
6. Bride Of Frankenstein
The Lie: Frankenstein and his ‘bride’ don’t actually get married. In fact, they don’t even form a relationship, as she takes one look at him and decides the single life would be a better option.
The Re-title: Rejected Date Of Frankenstein
5. A Nightmare On Elm Street
The Lie: It’s not ‘a’ nightmare at all, it’s several. And nightmare isn’t descriptive enough, really – these kids aren’t having normal nightmares, are they? The last time we ate cheese before bed a zombie child molester didn’t invade our dreams and eviscerate us. Well, as far as we can remember, we always forget our dreams when we wake up.
The Re-title: Some Nightmares On Elm Street That Are Actually Alternate Realities That Can Kill The Teenage Children Of A Group Of People Who Once Killed A Child Molester And Accidentally Turned Him Into A Dream Demon. Three.
The Lie: Watching Candyman for the first time, we thought that Tony Todd was a red herring and any minute a psychotic Bertie Bassett was going to show up to justify the title. He did not. Instead, the bloke with a hook for a hand who could control bees for some reason (which do produce honey, which is nature’s candy we suppose) was the actual killer. What a swizz.
The Re-title: Beebloke.
3. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre
The Lie: It’s not a chainsaw massacre. The chainsaw’s used once, to kill the chap in the wheelchair. But even if we included the hook and the hammer deaths, it’s still not really a massacre, is it?
The Re-Title: Some People Got Killed In Texas.
2. The Exorcist
The Lie: There are two exorcists, you ninny.
The Re-Title: Two Exorcists And A Little Lady
1. The Hills Have Eyes
The Lie: The hills don’t have eyes. They don’t have ears, noses or mouths. The inbreds that hang out in the hills have all of the above randomly scattered about their faces, sure. But the hills themselves? They do not.
The Re-title: The Hills Have Slopes
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