7 things we hate about movie polls

No votes were cast in the compilation of this list...

1. The top film is always predictable
The Godfather. Citizen Kane. Empire Strikes Back. It's never Return Of The Living Dead or Sword Of Doom, is it? Why? Because, whilst taste is subjective, there are around ten films that are socially accepted as the greatest ever made and poll votes are all about the social acceptance. If everyone stuck their true favourite in the top slot of their form, we'd be hailing Predator as the best film anyone's ever seen.

2. The number of films isn't representative
For every single film in a top 500 list, we reckon we could argue around 5,000 that are just as deserving of that particular position. Because the list total is always random and has no relation to the actual number of films that have been released since the birth of cinema, there's no way of creating a list that doesn't ignore great movies.

3. 'Of All Time'
It's not of all time, is it? Jesus didn't fool around with a Super-8 when he was a kid, there isn't a lost classic from that well known auteur Marty Triceratops and - last time we checked - the Aztecs didn't get around to creating a CGI masterpiece. So why are we being told that your list is the greatest of all time? You're compiling a list of the best films made after the 1880s, at least be honest about it.

4. No-one is ever happy

If you've ever sat in front of a movie list and declared that you agree with every entry, you have absolutely no passion for film and we hate you more than movie lists. Sorry about that. For true film fans, polls are frustrating. No-one likes exactly the same films, that's what makes cinema so brilliant, so why are we so keen to put them in an order no-one's ever going to agree on? Which brings us to...

5. Rubbish films sit alongside brilliant ones
It's not just that we disagree with some of the entries in your best films of all time list, it's that several entries make us want to scream at our computer screen like Freddy Krueger's just walked in the room. We do not live in a world where Saw deserves to be mentioned in the same breath as The Seventh Seal, no matter what you try to tell us. Which brings us to...

6. There's no filtering

Who Framed Roger Rabbit is a fun film, and would certainly be near the top of our list of best Bob Hoskins flicks. And we're glad it's someone's favourite film since the 1880s. Really, we are. But is it better than The Thing? No, it is not. Oh, and while we're here, putting the film you saw last week 490 places above a film you've loved since childhood? Not cricket.

7. We love reading them

Put a movie list in front of us and we'll read it. Whether it's on an official website, a personal blog, in a magazine we admire, or a rag we despise. Whether it's the top 100 Wilhelm Screams, or the best 15 best Anna Faris films - we'll read it. And enjoy complaining about it.


    • QuentinSlash

      Mar 31st 2010, 16:27

      I just can't do it. I cannot bear to sit down (let alone for long enough) and decide upon a hierarchy of my favourite films. I can't decide on my favourite Tarantino film, let alone my favourite from the whole industry, yet i know that at least one would be in my top 10. If one, why not all of them? This is one dilemma. I can't decide on any particular order, and would feel far more comfortable just lumping them all in together for the same appraisal. Also, every time i consider my top 10 or 20 i come across a film that i feel like is only in there because its supposed to be. I may well appreciate that it may be a masterpiece and is deserving of a title 'One Of The Greatest Films Ever', but like you said, i would really much rather watch Predator or Dog Soldiers. I feel like just because a film has an award i should consider it. Bollocks. And every time i have something i'm happpy with i re-watch a film i hadn't thought about and wish i had put it in. But... I'm going to submit a first draft, and i too hope somebody disagrees with at least one of my choices: 1.Apocalypse Now 2.Pulp Fiction 3.No Country For Old Men 4.The Muppet Christmas Carol 5.Dog Soldiers 6.Lock Stock And Two Smoking Barrels 7.From Dusk Till Dawn 8.The Green Mile 9.Life Of Brian 10.When We Were Kings Forrest Gump Gladiator This Is Spinal Tap A Clockwork Orange Reservoir Dogs Anchorman s****h Predator Se7en The Usual Suspects Sin City The Commitments Shaun Of The Dead The Godfather Big Natural t**s 4 ;)

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    • QuentinSlash

      Mar 31st 2010, 16:28

      Apparently s****h is a swearword. Sorry! x

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