7 Weird Movie Threesomes

Three’s a crowd in these twisted screen trysts

 

Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2009)

The Filthy Three: Penelope Cruz, Scarlett Johansson and Javier Bardem

The Weird: Having had it away with nearly every female cast member in Woody’s flamencofied return to form, swoonsome artist Javier Bardem takes things to their logically lusty conclusion.

The actual ménage isn’t that strange. It’s Uncle Woody’s ever-so-slightly-pervy insertion of a scene-setting dark room smooch between Scarlett and Penelope. Ick.[page-break]

 

The Dreamers (2003)

The Filthy Three: Michael Pitt, Eva Green and Louis Garrell

The Weird: That it involves a brother and sister. Gross.

Bertolucci fogs up his camera lens in this look at the steamy side of France’s ‘60s student rebellions.

Pitt’s wide-eyed American falls in with incesty siblings Isabelle and Theo in a series of sex scenes so shocking future Bond girl Eva’s agent begged her not to take the role. [page-break]

 

Rita, Sue And Bob Too (1986)

The Filthy Three: Erm, Rita, Sue and Bob too aka Siobhan Finnernan, Michelle Holmes and George Costigan.

The Weird: Local businessman Bob invites teenage babysitters Rita and Sue for a “joomp” in the back of his car.

Flash forward a few weeks and their uneasy ménage a trois has gone sour. But never mind all that. Are we really meant to believe the distinctly, ahem, worldly Finnernan and Holmes are 15-year-olds?[page-break]

 

Y Tu Mama Tambien (2001)

The Filthy Three: Gael Garcia Bernal, Diego Luna and Maribel Verdu

The Weird: Diego and Gael’s bromance is tested by older lady Luisa in Alfonso Cuaron’s horny Mexican road trip.

The trio’s cerveza-swigging jaunt to a mythical beach and resultant jiggery pokery might not be cinema’s weirdest but it gets points for its dream-like touches and rug-pulling final twist.[page-break]

 

Zoolander (2001)

The Filthy Three:  Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson and Christine Taylor

The Weird: After some of Hansel’s trippy special tea, Wilson, Stiller and his off-screen wife Christine Taylor get down and are joined by assorted others to make it an umpteensome.

It’s got animal noises, a spinning camera and Zoolander’s love epiphany while sandwiched between Finnish dwarves and Maori tribesmen. Just like totalfilm.com’s average Tuesday night.[page-break]

 

Watchmen (2009)

The Filthy Three: Billy Crudup, Malin Akerman and, well, Billy Crudup

The Weird: Silky-voiced blue superman Dr Manhattan slyly uses his superpowers to create a couple of libidinous doubles to pleasure his wife Silk Spectre II.

Yep, when he’s not worrying middle America with his Smurfy schlong our boy Jon Osterman is creating time-saving clones like he’s auditioning for Multiplicity 2. Not right.[page-break]

 

Wild Things (1998)

The Filthy Three: Denise Richards, Neve Campbell and Matt Dillon

The Weird: A bit of teenage boy wish-fulfilment as coquettish con artists go three way in this erotic swirl of ‘90s trash.

But what trash it is – Neve and Denise get fresh in a pool, Matt Dillon stops grimacing long enough to join them and a copy of the Wild Things DVD is discreetly tucked at the back of a bajillion gentlemen’s collections.

Oh, and the weird thing about Wild Things? That Neve Cambell managed to make the full flick without so much as removing her top. Before Wild Things, we’d never seen a prudish threesome scene. Now we’ve seen 1/3rd of one.

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Comments

    • lenny

      Mar 25th 2009, 8:27

      Where the hell is Dead Ringers; Jeremy Irons, Jeremy irons and Genevieve Bujold. The weirdest of the lot by far!

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    • WayneCha

      Aug 17th 2011, 8:20

      Wasn't there a boy-girl-boy threesome in the film "The Doom Generation"? That certainly would qualify, wouldn't it? And strictly speaking, I don't think the siblings in "The Dreamers" were incestuous. She was still a virgin when their American friend joined them, and just sharing a bath together doesn't mean they took things any further than that. Not that I would mind if they did!

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