8 Awesomely Stupid Movie Fight Scenes

Brilliantly crap scrap scenes from mad martial arts movies...

BY Sam Ashurst Aug 10th 2009 10:10AMFILED UNDER: Features

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Like most kids of the ‘80s, totalfilm.com was raised on a strict diet of rubbish ninja flicks.

And nearly all of them contained fight scenes so ridiculously preposterous that if we wanted to mimic them, we’d have to bend the laws of physics, abandon all sense of acquired logic, and buy more body oil than any 6-year-old could plausibly afford.

So, instead of recreating them, we’ve decided to share with you some of our favourite ever brilliantly rubbish fight scenes. Be warned, some of them are surprisingly gory.

Oh, and don’t thank us. You’re already welcome.

Undefeatable (1994)

If you haven’t heard of Cynthia Rothrock then clearly you’ve never wondered what a female Steven Seagal would look like and you should probably be ashamed of yourself.

Undefeatable is one of her many, many martial arts vehicles.

And as vehicles go, it’s the movie equivalent of a Hummer that’s been painted to resemble a dragon eating a unicorn. It’s that awesome.

It tells the touching tale of Kristi Jones, a woman who takes part in Mafia street fights to raise money for her sister’s college education.

Meanwhile, a man named Stingray is going around kidnapping and eye-gouging girls in flowery dresses because they remind him of his wife. Obviously.

So when Kristi’s sister wears a flowery dress and bumps into Stingray, it does not end well.

Jones vows revenge and teams up with martial arts expert policeman Nick DiMarco to bring Stingray and his vicious curly mullet to justice.

The Stupidly Awesome Awesomely Stupid Fight:

Kristi and Nick have used their detective skills to track Stingray to a warehouse.

Once there, they use their martial arts skills to rendezvous with his ass.

There are many, many stupidly awesome moments in this fight, too many to list.

But our favourite bits include the moment where Nick and Stingray’s shirts fall off to reveal pre-greased torsos, Stingray’s truly ironic torture-death, and the final double-barrelled pun-off that closes the scene.

If Hemingway wrote martial arts movies, this scene would be the result.

Next: Deadbeat At Dawn

 

 

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