Ninja Terminator (1985)

Sadly, not a film about a cybernetic pyjama fan, but one of the silliest ninja films ever unleashed upon western audiences. And, we promise you, that really is saying something.

The plot involves a mystical three-part golden statue that, when united, makes its owner invulnerable to edged weapons. That it’s no protection from guns and bombs doesn’t seem to bother anyone.

One of the coolest aspects of the statue is that if you own a part of it, that part of your body is protected.

Look, we didn’t say this thing wasn’t packed with good ideas; that’s a plot detail we’d love to see in one of next summer’s action flicks.

Some details, however, we can do without. Like the blonde wig sported by the lead villain. And the Garfield phone in one of our hero’s apartments. A phone he actually uses in one scene.

Still, the golden statue is what we should be focusing on, because that’s the inspiration for some truly rofl fight scenes.

The Stupidly Awesome Awesomely Stupid Fight:

Opening on some weird worship scenes and the sort of glorious soundtrack work that would make the robots behind Daft Punk experience the human emotion known as pride, this scene is a dim-witted triumph from start to finish.

The in-fight teleportation editing is so basic it wouldn’t impress a child, but it does make it look like Richard Harrison is the Madonna of martial arts movies - he appears to change outfits with every vanish, for no reason whatsoever - but don't worry, what you're watching is three ninjas fighting, not two.

But then the whole film is fairly nonsensical, which is probably why we love it so much.

Next: Mortal Kombat: Annihilation