More often than not, Christmas flicks have a very specific message. Family is important. Be nice. Presents are brilliant.
But there are some other very important messages hidden within your favourite Christmas films. Here they are.
Lesson 1: If you’re going to burgle a house at Christmas, take a gun.
Where we learnt it: Home Alone 1, 2, 3, 4.
Why: Robbers beware. Sometimes, parents leave their kids behind when they go on holiday at Christmas. So what? We hear you growl. Kids are easy to kill with your bare hands, right? Wrong.
Some of them are cunning enough to smack you in the face with a plank of wood when you’re trying your hardest just to live your life and steal their stuff.
So, follow the advice of Home Alone and always take a gun with you when you go on the rob. If you see a blonde haired kid applying aftershave and going ‘Ahhhhhhhh!’ – shoot it in the face.
Lesson 2: Never wear second-hand clothes
Where we learnt it: The Santa Clause
Why: Because if you pull on the wrong suit, you’ll turn into Santa. Which sounds like fun until you start to put on weight and realise that, suddenly, Christmas Eve is the worst day of the year. So, yeah, stay away from charity shops, okay?
Lesson 3: Never pretend to be Santa, people will think you’re mental.
Where we learnt it: Miracle On 34th Street
Why: You might think it’s a good idea to dress up as Santa to give your kids a really cool Christmas, but don’t do it. You’ll be hauled in front of a judge faster than you can say ‘ho ho ho’.
So listen to the advice of Miracle On 34th Street and make sure your kids know as early as possible that Santa is a lie. If your wife’s pregnant, maybe you should start early and shout that message at her stomach.