Night Of The Strangler
You can't murder someone who leaves the door chain on; it's basically a guarantee of short-term immortality. Which is why nobody's ever been murdered by a stranger, or 80% of victims know their killer, or whatever. Look, we're not murder statisticians; we just believe in the infallible power of the little slidey chain. We need to. Please don't take that away...
Final Exam
"Failed to put the dummy into the proper recovery position, but showed advanced understanding of her optimal body position in relation to that of the victim. Some frenzied stabbing, but dealt confidently with the multiple choice sections of the test. Recommended grade: B-."
Serpent's Lair
In a surprisingly crowded genre, the undisputed king of all zoology fails.
The Invisible Maniac
"You can not be serious - it's been what, like fifteen minutes? Seriously girls, I'm fucking through with mail order."
It's Called Murder Baby
No, it's called...actually, we haven't got a clue. We don't even know how on earth it could possibly come about. Anyone got a Kama Sutra handy?
The Vindicator
The only thing the graphics department were hoping to vindicate here was the depressing amount of time they spend coding 2D space shooters on their bedroom ZX Spectrums. They failed. What the hell is this movie about?
The Violent Professionals
If you will insist on having a keyhole the size of a small car, you deserve everything you get. Trivia fans: all of Sir David Frost's drawings look like this.
Survival Game
Rule #2: For bonus points, use your Survival Stick to bounce the inflatable hedgehogs into your team's coloured basket. Whichever team baskets the most hedgehogs by the end of the game earns 10 additional Survival Points - it could make all the difference!
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Comments
DravenCage
Apr 5th 2010, 10:22
Sorry to get pedantic on your asses, but w***e 2 was released in 1994 and was a quasi-documentary featuring real hookers as well as actresses. I know this because I did an article on Ken Russell and w***e 2 is sometimes billed as a sequel to Russell's 1991 film w***e.
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DravenCage
Apr 5th 2010, 10:43
Octaman was released in 1971. For shame, Total Film, for shame. LOL
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RoyMantooth
Apr 5th 2010, 21:15
ok, ok, so I scroll down and read, "sex, sun, and murder..." for bikini island and have foreshadowed in my mind TF saying, "THAT'S A F***ING MOON!" and you guys comment on the tiny watermarked beach!? that's even funnier. well played. avoid the obvious.
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BenCh
Apr 6th 2010, 10:52
veLOLciraptor @ Wolfman
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Hadouken76
Apr 6th 2010, 15:17
I love the cover for Django strikes back. A scrawny western drifter suddenly becomes rip to the t/ts and holding and FIRING a 19th century gatlin gun rambo style...evn tho it can only be used standing up whilst someone else winds it!
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elmonty
Apr 9th 2010, 14:22
Not to mention the fact that the girl isn't even wearing a bikini...
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dkjm74
Apr 9th 2010, 15:22
The Kanji visible through the glass on the cover for 'The Vineyard' is 'Haru' which means 'Spring' and I know that because my Girlfriend is Japanese and that's her name - so what the hell is this guy doing with her glass??
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depechefan1
Apr 9th 2010, 15:23
Re the Leonard Maltin rading of 3 1/2 stars for Patterns, thats out of 4 not 5 guys!!
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SamaElPrime
Apr 9th 2010, 15:37
"Grannies are never, ever, EVER frightening" Oh yeah? you tell THAT about Lionel's mom in Braindead!
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Nickey09
Apr 9th 2010, 22:49
I think you can still find about 70 to 85% of those titles at your local Blockbuster Video... And I believe "Wizard of Gore" was a major influence to many current directors - that's scary in and of itself.
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wmcginty
Apr 10th 2010, 13:33
Not to get all pedantic, but "Eat the Peach" is about a guy who rides a motorbike Wall of Death, so he´s bound to be at that angle at some point. Plus, "The Stuff" is mistaken for an icecream type dessert, so it would be in the fridge. Though maybe I just misunderstood the joke for that one.
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