The Pit
You'd think this local community would be aware of something so massive - after all, our landlady went apeshit when we tried to smuggle a small kitten into the flat. We've little sympathy, then, for the hapless Hooters waitress pictured here. Mind you, the bloke with the groceries checking his watch really ought to be paying more attention - whatever happened to old-fashioned neighbourly concern?
The Prey
No, see, the prey is the other one. We'll lend you our David Attenborough DVDs if you don't believe us. Also, having an axe but not being human doesn't make you scary. That's why people aren't terrified of fire engines or garden sheds.
The Van
Maybe we just weren't ready for this one...after all, we've never seen someone doing an impression of their van before. In fairness to Danny though, that's a fucking cracking effort - it's quite uncanny.
The Wicker Man
Yes, yes - we know it's a cult classic, and deservedly so. But this cover is silly, and not just because it squanders some of the slow-building mystique by showing us the titular behemoth. All that scarificial wealth the locals shower him with clearly burns quite a hole in his pocket. And her forehead, oddly.
Blood Beach
"We called it Sand Beach at first, but then somebody thought of this name. I hope the legal guys let us do it."
Whore 2
A rare example of a time when a more pretentious name would actually have been a really good idea. Wonder if it's wholly coincidental that 'Vidmark' sounds so much like something else.
Accidents
For some reason, we're reluctant to believe that any mishap involving the dude at the top could properly be classified as an 'accident'. Except maybe the one he's clearly just had with a gallon of baby oil. As for the two doofuses at the bottom - are they running with scissors? Good grief. We blame the parents.
Americana
Because nothing portrays the glory of the struggle for the West more neatly than a communist guerrilla carrying a My Little Pony past a giant cable dish.
Next: Evil! Bikinis! Arson!
Comments
DravenCage
Apr 5th 2010, 10:22
Sorry to get pedantic on your asses, but w***e 2 was released in 1994 and was a quasi-documentary featuring real hookers as well as actresses. I know this because I did an article on Ken Russell and w***e 2 is sometimes billed as a sequel to Russell's 1991 film w***e.
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DravenCage
Apr 5th 2010, 10:43
Octaman was released in 1971. For shame, Total Film, for shame. LOL
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RoyMantooth
Apr 5th 2010, 21:15
ok, ok, so I scroll down and read, "sex, sun, and murder..." for bikini island and have foreshadowed in my mind TF saying, "THAT'S A F***ING MOON!" and you guys comment on the tiny watermarked beach!? that's even funnier. well played. avoid the obvious.
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BenCh
Apr 6th 2010, 10:52
veLOLciraptor @ Wolfman
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Hadouken76
Apr 6th 2010, 15:17
I love the cover for Django strikes back. A scrawny western drifter suddenly becomes rip to the t/ts and holding and FIRING a 19th century gatlin gun rambo style...evn tho it can only be used standing up whilst someone else winds it!
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elmonty
Apr 9th 2010, 14:22
Not to mention the fact that the girl isn't even wearing a bikini...
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dkjm74
Apr 9th 2010, 15:22
The Kanji visible through the glass on the cover for 'The Vineyard' is 'Haru' which means 'Spring' and I know that because my Girlfriend is Japanese and that's her name - so what the hell is this guy doing with her glass??
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depechefan1
Apr 9th 2010, 15:23
Re the Leonard Maltin rading of 3 1/2 stars for Patterns, thats out of 4 not 5 guys!!
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SamaElPrime
Apr 9th 2010, 15:37
"Grannies are never, ever, EVER frightening" Oh yeah? you tell THAT about Lionel's mom in Braindead!
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Nickey09
Apr 9th 2010, 22:49
I think you can still find about 70 to 85% of those titles at your local Blockbuster Video... And I believe "Wizard of Gore" was a major influence to many current directors - that's scary in and of itself.
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wmcginty
Apr 10th 2010, 13:33
Not to get all pedantic, but "Eat the Peach" is about a guy who rides a motorbike Wall of Death, so he´s bound to be at that angle at some point. Plus, "The Stuff" is mistaken for an icecream type dessert, so it would be in the fridge. Though maybe I just misunderstood the joke for that one.
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