Eyeball
The photocopier jammed, but nobody could muster the enthusiasm to halt the run.
Eyes Of Fire
...dress of binbags. And did you say 'sinister evil'? As opposed to what - the bubbly kind?
Hobgoblins
Well actually, yes, we did wish for hobgoblins as it happens, because they're so epically unscary that we just wanted to prove OH CHRIST YOU NEVER SAID THEY'D BE BRINGING KLAXONS OHGODOHGOD HELP US
Invaders Of The Lost Gold
You really can't 'invade' gold, unless it's a seriously big chunk - as in, big enough for a nation to have colonised its surface. In fact, we're almost tempted to suggest that these chumps just used the word 'invaders' because it sounded a bit like 'raide-'...nah, couldn't be.
Kickboxer From Hell
Hell is a largely lawless place, as you might imagine. However, it may surprise you to learn that one of the few rules Beelzebub does insist on is 'no kicking' - as the wise owls behind this release are clearly very aware.
The Last Ride Of The Dalton Gang
Please tell us it doesn't involve that poor, poor woman in the middle?
Octaman
What, like octApus? The zoology fail is strong in this one. Besides, which part of this thing is 'man'? (Apart from his excellent taste in da honeyz, like - high eight for that, brosef!)
Plutonium Baby
What. The. Shuddering. Fuck?
Comments
DravenCage
Apr 5th 2010, 10:22
Sorry to get pedantic on your asses, but w***e 2 was released in 1994 and was a quasi-documentary featuring real hookers as well as actresses. I know this because I did an article on Ken Russell and w***e 2 is sometimes billed as a sequel to Russell's 1991 film w***e.
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DravenCage
Apr 5th 2010, 10:43
Octaman was released in 1971. For shame, Total Film, for shame. LOL
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RoyMantooth
Apr 5th 2010, 21:15
ok, ok, so I scroll down and read, "sex, sun, and murder..." for bikini island and have foreshadowed in my mind TF saying, "THAT'S A F***ING MOON!" and you guys comment on the tiny watermarked beach!? that's even funnier. well played. avoid the obvious.
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BenCh
Apr 6th 2010, 10:52
veLOLciraptor @ Wolfman
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Hadouken76
Apr 6th 2010, 15:17
I love the cover for Django strikes back. A scrawny western drifter suddenly becomes rip to the t/ts and holding and FIRING a 19th century gatlin gun rambo style...evn tho it can only be used standing up whilst someone else winds it!
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elmonty
Apr 9th 2010, 14:22
Not to mention the fact that the girl isn't even wearing a bikini...
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dkjm74
Apr 9th 2010, 15:22
The Kanji visible through the glass on the cover for 'The Vineyard' is 'Haru' which means 'Spring' and I know that because my Girlfriend is Japanese and that's her name - so what the hell is this guy doing with her glass??
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depechefan1
Apr 9th 2010, 15:23
Re the Leonard Maltin rading of 3 1/2 stars for Patterns, thats out of 4 not 5 guys!!
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SamaElPrime
Apr 9th 2010, 15:37
"Grannies are never, ever, EVER frightening" Oh yeah? you tell THAT about Lionel's mom in Braindead!
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Nickey09
Apr 9th 2010, 22:49
I think you can still find about 70 to 85% of those titles at your local Blockbuster Video... And I believe "Wizard of Gore" was a major influence to many current directors - that's scary in and of itself.
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wmcginty
Apr 10th 2010, 13:33
Not to get all pedantic, but "Eat the Peach" is about a guy who rides a motorbike Wall of Death, so he´s bound to be at that angle at some point. Plus, "The Stuff" is mistaken for an icecream type dessert, so it would be in the fridge. Though maybe I just misunderstood the joke for that one.
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