The Comic: Created in tandem with Grant Morrison for a run in 2000 AD, self-professed “hardest man in Manchester” Big Dave is one of Millar’s more controversial creations. Not convinced? One storyline has Dave lead a team of disabled British kiddies to the World Cup Final to face a Germany team managed by Hitler. Nice.

The Movie Version: Dave’s big screen debut should be an adaptation of his very first battle: a face-off with Saddam Hussein. Saddam plans to turn the whole world into “poofs” you see, and our Dave can’t have that. Watch out for Princess Diana and Sarah Ferguson in supporting roles as a pair of lushes with the hots for our hero. Note, this is not a joke. It all happens in the comic!

Dream Director: Nick Love would be foaming at the mouth over this one, but we don’t want to see any more bone-headed musings on masculinity, ta. We want it played for laughs, so we’ll plump for Matthew Vaughn to send up the Geezer-shtick of his early output.

Dream Cast: We’ll have Tom Hardy hamming it up as Dave, Emily Blunt as Diana and Scarlett Johansson as Fergie. Bit generous that last one, but poor old Sarah could do with a break couldn’t she?