Antichrist is about to possess your local cinema.

We didn't really enjoy the film, but it did get us thinking about who would win in the ultimate fantasy fist fight between the originators of good and evil, Lucifer and Christ.

So we've decided it's time for the ultimate religious throw-down, as we pit movie Jesuses Vs movie Satans to decide, once and for all, who's best.

The build-up has lasted thousands of years. Each contender has millions of fans. There’s everything to lose, and the winner takes it all. And when we say all, we mean all.

So, gentlemen, take your corners. Seconds out, round one... Fight!

 
Ralph Fiennes, The Miracle Maker (2000)

Who knew Jesus could be this adorable?

He’s got the voice of Ralph Fiennes and the acting capacity of a clay figure of Ralph Fiennes. But – look at his little face.

The Miracle Maker’s stop-motion Jesus could melt even the coldest of hearts. (He could also melt.)

Beard: 6
Facial Expressions: 1
Weird Androgynous Confusing Crush Score: 0

Squished into playdough by…

Rosalinda Celentano, Passion of the Christ (2004)

One of the scariest Satans ever to slink onto the screen, Celentano is an ashen, ghostly spectre which haunts Jesus at his darkest moments.

She also has a scary baby.

To be honest, it’s not going to be a very fair fight against The Miracle Maker's wobbly borrower-Jesus. Poor little feller.

Beard: 0
Facial Expressions: 8
Weird Androgynous Confusing Crush score: 10

THE FIGHT

It takes Jesus quite a long time to get anywhere, because his animator has to move his legs a tiny fraction at a time. Otherwise it would be all jerky.

Satan glides in, and in one fell swoop, he/she’s set a serpent on the animator, and trod on Jesus.

Job done. Fight over.

Jesus 0 - Satan 1

Next: Keitel Vs Sydow