Battle Royale: Movie Runners
Joggers vs. sprinters in this fast-paced face-off
BY Jun 10th 2009 11:11AMFILED UNDER: Features
User Comments (2)
Walking, as we all know, is for girls and old people.
Real men perambulate by having both feet off the floor at the same time: in short, they run. And boy, do they like to get a canter going in movieland.
Obviously, we feel it’s our duty to sort the ‘cool runnings’ from the ‘jog ons'.
And then do it as an epic, Lycra-clad, spike-shoed Battle Royale sort of thing.
On your marks, get set... FIGHT!
Harrison Ford, The Fugitive (1993)
‘Average foot speed over uneven ground, barring injury, is four miles an hour,’ barks Tommy, leading the manhunt. Cobblers! Look at Harrison go! He’s doing fifty miles an hour if he’s doing an inch. And in a fetching yellow jumpsuit, to boot. Like a greased banana down a hungry chimp’s gullet. Go on my son!
Speed: Given that tricky woodland terrain, an impressive 6
Power: A grimly determined grind, 9
Manliness: Gah! Fall = FAIL, 4
Streaks past...
Steven Seagal, Pistol Whipped (2008)
Oh dear me - where to start? The bizarre ‘ruler up the sleeve’ arm positioning? The egregiously wobbly gunplay? Or the utterly counterproductive blind pirouetting? Oi, Stevo - rule one of running (a popular method of ‘hurrying up’): face in the direction you’d like to go. Helps enormously.
Speed: Suitably graveyard-respecting, 2
Power: Like a spinning top in its final throes, 3
Manliness: Pfft, we’re HIDING now? 2
Next: Mel Gibson vs Brad Pitt
Print Comments (2)
1: timisstupid says
what about Daniel Craig's foot chases in both Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace?
Posted: Jun 11th 2009 // 7:04AMAlert a moderator
2: MMR74 says
umm, think he was running on those soft east-coast pavement of Edinburgh actually (apologies for the west-coast bias).
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