Mel Gibson, Gallipolli (1981)



There’s something genuinely heartwarming about the (admittedly quite brief) sight of a bloke truly gasping, flailing and snorting his way to the goal in pure everyman desperation. This is what we ‘norms’ look like when we run for a bus, or last orders.

Speed: A proper lick for 100+ degrees in the shade, 8

Power: Those 1916 khakis must weigh three stone, 9

Manliness: Some light whimpering, but a solid 6


Leaves for dead...


Brad Pitt, Across The Tracks (1991)



Proving that you don’t need to be built like a traction engine to get up a good head of steam, Brad’s strong-out-of-the-blocks start is utterly ruined by that ludicrously preppy posture. Balancing an imaginary tea-tray on your head is no way to roll, kiddo.

Speed: Flying without breaking a sweat, 7

Power: Not nearly thunderous enough of hoof, 4

Manliness: Hair-bouncingly puppyish, 2

Next: Tom Cruise vs The Cast Of The Shining