Ewan McGregor, Trainspotting (1996)



Everyone else on this list might have less dubious reasons for ‘doing one’ - and we’re not condoning Renton’s shoplifting by including him - but crikey, the lad can shift. And in Converse All-Star, too: those Glaswegian pavements are as hard as the rest of the city, y’know.

Speed: Heroin actually, but still, 8

Power: We can almost feel the burn from here, 10

Manliness: On the wrong end of the chase, 5


Eating dust...


Corey Feldman, Puppet Master vs Demonic Toys (2004)


(skip to 8:05)

Feldman, playing some sort of scientist dressed as his own father, fails to outrun a ten-inch-tall plastic doll despite the 20-yard head start. Blame the excess corduroy if you will, but there’s still no excuse for his truly pitiful corridor shuffle. Except maybe acute diarrhoea.

Speed: Workplace Health & Safety compliant, 3

Power: Flap-flap-flap-flap, 2

Manliness: Frightened of doll, caught by doll, 1

Next: Franka Potente vs Ian Charleson