Tom Cruise, pretty much anything
Wow, who’d have thunk it? Deceptively explosive horsepower in a compact and bijou frame, which gives him superb handling on tight bends and is, quite literally, a fanny magnet. Shame about the Thetans in the glove box, but hey.
Speed: Tom Cruise runs like he’s late for Dianetics practice, 10
Power: Tom Cruise runs like he’s powering Freewinds with a treadmill, 9
Manliness: TOM CRUISE RUNS LIKE A MAN, 10
Makes slug-meat of...
Steven Seagal, pretty much anything
Sweet Jesus, the horror. Like, what exactly is going on here, Stevey boy? You look like your legs are on backwards. You’d have a better chance of catching criminals by running in front of them, then striking when they’re paralysed with mirth.
Speed: Steven Seagal runs like ET in stilettos.
Power: Steven Seagal runs like he’s carrying ALL the shopping.
Manliness: STEVEN SEAGAL RUNS LIKE A GIRL.
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