Battle Royale: Movie Runners

Joggers vs. sprinters in this fast-paced face-off

Jun 10th 2009 By Mark Powell

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GRUDGE MATCH:

Tom Cruise, pretty much anything

Wow, who’d have thunk it? Deceptively explosive horsepower in a compact and bijou frame, which gives him superb handling on tight bends and is, quite literally, a fanny magnet. Shame about the Thetans in the glove box, but hey.

Speed: Tom Cruise runs like he’s late for Dianetics practice, 10

Power: Tom Cruise runs like he’s powering Freewinds with a treadmill, 9

Manliness: TOM CRUISE RUNS LIKE A MAN, 10

Makes slug-meat of...

Steven Seagal, pretty much anything

Sweet Jesus, the horror. Like, what exactly is going on here, Stevey boy? You look like your legs are on backwards. You’d have a better chance of catching criminals by running in front of them, then striking when they’re paralysed with mirth.

Speed: Steven Seagal runs like ET in stilettos.

Power: Steven Seagal runs like he’s carrying ALL the shopping.

Manliness: STEVEN SEAGAL RUNS LIKE A GIRL.

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Comments

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- timisstupid
  
  Jun 11th 2009, 7:04
  
  what about Daniel Craig's foot chases in both Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace?
  
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- MMR74
  
  Jun 11th 2009, 17:19
  
  umm, think he was running on those soft east-coast pavement of Edinburgh actually (apologies for the west-coast bias).
  
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