The Count, Sesame Street
Long serving Sesame Street maths-geek and resident numero-phile, The Count has helped scores of children with numeracy in a really, really annoying way.
Modelled closely on Bela Lugosi's interpretation of Count Dracula, Count Von Count, to give him his full title, has been a part of the show since the beginning back in the early '70s.
Helping children count Factor: 10
Ability to boil our collective piss: 10
Fang Rating: 5
Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) Twilight (2008)
Fun fact: In the totalfilm.com office, R-Pattz is known as the Sultan of Swoon.
Let battle commence...
Edward Cullen is casually strolling along Sesame Street, like you do, when he happens upon The Count.
Annoyingly, The Count begins to number Edward’s footsteps in his usual witty style.
“One! Ah-ah-ahh, Two! Ah-ah-ahh, Three! Ah-ah-ah.”
At this point Edward has already had enough, and begins pummeling the purple puppet furiously, raining an unprecedented torrent of blows upon the number-loving Transylvanian.
The Count, not one to miss an oppoturnity, keeps track of the hits; Twenty-Three! Ah-ah-ahh. Twenty Four! Ah-ah-ah. And so on.
After several minutes of this smackdown, Cullen turns to the camera and dead-pans, “What? It’s a puppet!”
Before tearing the Muppet’s head off and shoving it up it’s own puppet arse.
Edward looks around to check the coast is clear before making his way down Sesame Street intent on laying the smack down on the rest of the god-forsaken puppet.
Bert and Ernie, Oscar the Grouch, The Cookie Monster and fucking Elmo must all die, though Big Bird will at least come in handy as dinner, as Edward found a fantastic recipe for the large yellow migraine on totalfilm.com.
Edward Cullen wins!
Edward Cullen 8 – Vampire 0
There you have it fang-fans, Edward Cullen is officially the best Vampire in movie history, bar none. And on that bombshell, leave us a comment.
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