Battle Royale: Movie Vs TV Dinosaurs
A prehistoric punch-up for the ages...
BY Jul 1st 2009 15:15PMFILED UNDER: Features
User Comments (2)
To celebrate Ice Age 3 evolving into cinemas, we've decided to bring together the biggest and crappest dinosaurs in movie and telly history for a big toothy tussle.
These leathery lunatics can’t wait to snap and gnash their way into fight history, so we’re going to open the massive arena doors and see which dino makes it out of the enormous coliseum without getting made extinct…
Spitting Dinosaur - Jurassic Park (1993)
The Spitting Dinosaur is partially based on the Dilophosaurus, but it’s mostly based on the bit in Raiders Of The Lost Ark when Indy has to dodge a load of darts.
Because, sadly, no real dinosaur has the power to gob out corrosive spittle into fat bloke’s faces, more’s the pity.
Gobbing Score: 10
Fancy Frill Factor: 10
Looking Like A Big Purple Twat Score: 2
Barney The Dinosaur - Barney & Friends (1992)
Famed for his friendly nature and his optimistic attitude, Barney’s hobbies include singing, dancing and hanging around with cheery kids.
He’s got no chance against the venomous fury of the Spitting Dinosaur.
Barney wanders into the woods, looking for his friends, who have abandoned him to go and sit in front of their PS3s.
Barney’s singing a jolly song about the leaves in the trees being just like you and me when the Spitting Dinosaur pops out of nowhere.
“Why, hullo little fella,” Barney says.
The Spitting Dinosaur turns his head to one side.
“Would you like to be my friend?” Barney says.
The Spitting Dinosaur pops out his frill.
“Aren’t you handsome,” Barney says. “Let’s do a dance about being dino buddies!”
The Spitting Dinosaur hocks up some acid and mouth-chucks it into Barney’s mush.
“My eyes! My eyes! Oh dino-Jesus save me, my eyes! My eyes are melting!”
Barney’s eyes turn his purple cheeks gore-pink and Spitting Dinosaur slinks off into the woods, job done.
Gobbing Score: 0
Fancy Frill Factor: 0
Looking Like A Big Purple Twat Score: 10
Next: Rex Vs. Dino
Print Comments (2)
1: pimpernel says
So Movie Dinos always win...
What about Primeval, or are they not dinosaurs (never watched it) or something?
Posted: Jul 1st 2009 // 10:03PMAlert a moderator
2: adammiller2k says
in the 1950s godzilla, he is just woken up by the bikini atol bombings...the bomb in real life poisoned the sea and fish (and killed 4 fisherman) so that's why godzilla glows and s**t. that's also why not everyone wants to kill him...he survived the atomic blast, some characters in the film want to know why. ishiro honda, he made a story about a dude in a rubber suit amazing, shame on you for using the american version (where the bomb-blame is placed on france and not the usa).
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