The Plot: The true, untold story of the 1991 Gulf War.

President George Bush, pissed off after Newsweek calls him a wimp, declares war on Iraq.

But the American army gets more than it bargained for when it realises that Iraq has been arming itself with converted farming equipment supplied by the Yanks. 

Only one organisation can save them now: retail giant Sears, with its extensive catalogue of "weapons for all occasions."

Key Scene: Operation Desert Storm comes up against the might of the Elite Republican Guard: 12ft tall desert warriors who shit bullets.

Sample Dialogue:  "What's G-12 do, Tommy?"

" See, it says here it destroys everything but the fillings in their teeth, helps us pay for the war effort."

" Well, fuck, pull that one up!"