Bond Month: A-list actors who must never be Bond
They're good, but not good enough for 007...
BY Oct 8th 2008 16:16PMFILED UNDER: Features
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George Clooney He’s smooth, he’s charming, he looks good in a tux, he’s got more edge than Jaws’ dentures – and if you CGI some explosions and sharks into Ocean’s 11, you’ve got a Bond flick. Why he would be wrong: Sorry George, you’re a brilliant actor, but you ruined the American Bond (Batman) so badly the franchise had to pretend it had never met you in order to survive. We’ve already realistically rebooted once, we don’t need to do it again. Brad Pitt Brad’s played spies before – remember Spy Game? No? Mr & Mrs Smith? There you go. He’s also proven he can ‘master’ the British accent in The Devil’s Own and his ex-girlfriends are hotter than 007s’. Why he would be wrong: Sorry Brad, but the day we see a blonde Bond working is the day we hang up our Walther PPks. Hang on a minute... Let’s face it, Mission Impossible’s Ethan Hunt is Bond by another name and Cruise has shown he can handle cars (Days Of Thunder), gadgets (Minority Report) and taming pussy (Magnolia). Why he would be wrong: Bond’s catchphrase is ‘shaken, not stirred.’ It is not ‘you complete me.’ Matt Damon You mean aside from the fact that Casino Royale homaged Damon’s spy series The Bourne Identity, a franchise spawned from a series of Bond-influenced books? Hell, he wouldn’t even have to change the initials on his handkerchiefs! Why he would be wrong: Sorry Matt, but you were in The Good Shepherd, which is officially the slowest spy film of all time. Our boy doesn’t sit around staring at desks, he shoots them, with his gun. Johnny Depp Depp loves playing Brits at the moment, and if he could combine Jack Sparrow’s charisma with Sweeney Todd’s menace, he could be onto something. Why he would be wrong: Pirates aside, the last franchise Depp dipped his toe into was A Nightmare On Elm Street. In Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare, Johnny insisted on being credited as Oprah Noodlemantra. We do not want to read the headline ‘Oprah Noodlemantra is James Bond’ any time soon. Sylvester Stallone Stallone’s proved himself to be king of the franchise reboot recently, with successful Rocky and Rambo relaunches under his belt. And we’re sure that if he tried hard enough, he could master the British accent. Maybe. He can do serious (Copland), humorous (The Specialist) and action-packed (Oscar); everything a brilliant Bond needs! Why he would be wrong: The last time Sly took on a British pop culture icon, he ruined Judge Dredd. Also, no. Daniel Day Lewis Daniel Day Lewis is the greatest actor of his generation; he can do whatever the hell he likes. Why he would be wrong: Day Lewis is incredible, don’t get us wrong, but we’re not sure the Bond franchise is ready for line delivery like: My NAME is BOND Jaaaaaaaaaames (long pause) BOND. Also, during filming, Day Lewis stays in character, which would mean he’d have to do a lot of explaining to his wife / the police on his weekends off.
Tom Cruise
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