They did the crime but not the time. Now these fly-the-coop criminals face their ultimate authority: the court of Total Film.

We've gathered together a genuine prosecution team to find out how easy it'd be to bang up the likes of Michael Myers, Hannibal Lecter and The Narrator from Fight Club. 

So, allow us to introduce you to our lawyers...

The Defense: Elys Christou

Christou was called to the bar at the Inner Temple in 2004, having trained at the Inns Of Court School of Law. She is now in independent practice in London, specialising in both privately and publicly funded criminal defence work.

Favourite movie laywer: Vinny Gambini (Joe Pesci) from My Cousin Vinny (1992).

The Prosecution: Alexandra Ward

Ward is a criminal barrister practising from 9-12 Bell Yard; she prosecutes for the CPS, SFO and HM Revenue And Customs.

She also defends and specialises in representing those charged with sexual offences.

Favourite movie lawyer: Atticus Finch (Gregory Peck) from To Kill A Mockingbird (1962).

Psychiatrist: Dr Rachel Andrew

Andrew is a clinical psychologist in the NHS and private practice in Lancashire.

Without further adieu, please be seated. Court is now in session...

Keyser Söze (Kevin Spacey) in The Usual Suspects (1995)

Rap Sheet: Mass murder. organised crime, being a total gobshite.

Getaway: Fools the Feds, then - like that (whoosh) - he's gone...

Psych Report: "Although the rape of Söze's wife, and the murder of his child, could have caused an extreme trauma response, this alone could not account for a carefully executed massacre and its elaborate cover up."

Prosecution: "Immunity obtained under false pretenses can sometimes be withdrawn. We'd seek informants to give evidence anonymously from behind a screen with voice distortion. Even without a successful prosecution it might frustrate further criminal enterprise."

Defence: "We'd run an ID defence and get the FBI's artist's impression of him excluded for unreliability. He's been granted immunity under his Verbal Kint ID, so the prosecution has to prove Kint is Söze. If they can't, and no informants emerge, there's no case."

Verdict: Not guilty - the greatest trick this particular devil pulled was convincing the world not to testify.  

Next: Zodiac's Zodiac Killer