Movies that made us want to puke

Seven films that'll have you reaching for the sick sack...

Speed Racer's out on DVD this week, and we feel it's our duty to shoo motion sickness sufferers away from it. And, while we're here, here's six more flicks that'll make you reach for the sick bags.

Speed Racer (2008)

Boy racer flings himself around a series of psychedelic tracks that make Super Mario Kart look like Pong.

Why it made us sick: Watching Speed Racer is like have your face intermittently dipped into a barrel full of skittles, a sink full of lemonade and a ditch full of monkey tears. It made us grimace, it made us sneeze, it made us say hello to yesterday’s lunch.

Cloverfield (2008)

Monster invades New York, becomes a digi-cam film star.

Why it made us sick: The first and (hopefully) final big blockbuster to filch filming techniques from YouTube, seeing Cloverfield at the cinema is akin to being caught in a hurricane with an army of angry soldiers whilst trying to read the MySpace pages of a small group of idiots.

The Blair Witch Project (1999)

Witch invades woods, becomes digi-cam film star.

Why it made us sick: We don’t mind directors handing their cast a bunch of cameras and telling them to get on with it. That is, until their cast start running around like lunatics and we start jogging to the bog. Someone buy these people a tripod. We’d be happy to cover any costs.

The Bourne Ultimatum (2007)

Amnesiac spy lurches about woozily, scrapping with anyone who gets in the way of the pursuit of his memories.

Why it made us sick: Motion sickness sufferers find it hard to run away from stuff, so we recommend they stroll slowly away from the Bourne trilogy; especially this final part. Whether Matt Damon’s taking part in a car chase, a fist fight, or a chat, the camera never stops moving, and our stomachs never stop lurching.

Doom (2005)

Mars space station gets invaded by demons, soldiers holding guns blow them away.

Why it made us sick: Pelting our way through corridors blasting demons with sawn-off shotguns playing the game made us feel sick enough - watching The Rock do it on a massive screen made us donate our dinner to the Gods Of Puke even faster. Avoid it at all costs if you've got a sensitive tummy, or operational critical faculties.

Transformers (2007)

Robots that turn into cars and planes invade Earth to sell toys.

Why it made us sick: Cars turning into massive bloody robots in a whirr of thousands of spinning pistons? Far too much for our puny corneas to take in, so we deposited our lunch on the foyer floor.

Martyrs (2009)

Philosophical take on the torture porn genre.

Why it made us sick: We can’t say too much about this one, ‘cause it’s not out for ages and we don’t want to spoil it for you before you’ve even properly heard of it. But, trust us, when you do eventually get the chance to see it, as we did at this year’s FrightFest, bring a bucket or two, just in case.

Comments

    • docemmettbrown

      Mar 20th 2009, 14:18

      What about the swirling opening to Irreversible complete with a tone played at a frequency that's proven to make people nauseous.

      Alert a moderator