We've got a feeling that one day, Hollywood will run out of books, comics and other films to adapt, and they'll turn to music, weaving movie trilogies from three-minute pop songs.

We've already decided which David Bowie tracks could be movies. Then, we used our film-pitching skills on Blur's music.

Now, we’re focusing on the originators of the current indie-music scene, the so-called Manchester miserablists and all-round über-geniuses we know as The Smiths.

As always, we claim copyright on the following pitches.

This Charming Man (1983)

The song that first introduced The Smiths to television audiences, This Charming Man saw Morrissey and his mates take their flower collection onto The Tube, Top Of The Pops and, as seen above, on the Old Grey Whistle Test in 1983.

As for the album version, it was recorded twice after Rough Trade records executive Geoff Travis decided the first go was rubbish.

The film will ignore all that.

The Movie:

When loser salesman Dean James buys a self-improvement CD from a mysterious antiques shop, his life is changed forever.

Listening to the CD as he goes to sleep, James wakes up to find that people will literally do whatever he says.

When he says jump, strangers don’t waste time asking how high, they simply leap as high as they are physically able.

At first, James abuses his new power.

He tells his office crush Helen that she should throw all of her clothes away, in the hope that she will come to work naked the next day.

But he quickly finds that every time he orders people to do something, it backfires in some way.

Helen does indeed throw away her clothes, but as a result she’s too embarrassed to leave the house, and James doesn’t see her at work again.

But when James tries to stop using his power, he finds it’s difficult to get through the day without telling people what to do.

Will James manage to win Helen’s heart without using his power? And what happens when it wears off?

The Cast:

A type-cast Ricky Gervais as Dean James, a naked-for-90-per-cent-of-the-film Jessica Alba as Helen.

Sample Dialogue:

Helen: “I would go out tonight, but I haven’t got a stitch to wear.”

Next: The Headmaster Ritual