The 10 Sweariest Movies Of All Time

F***** $*%£($%*ard!!!

 

This recent news story noted that uttering unmentionables helps us deal with pain and distress.

In other words, cussing is good for us.

So, to help kickstart your new bad word-driven health regime, we're counting down the sweariest movies of all-time, from 10 to 1 (fiction movies only, fact fans - and we've focused on use of the most popular cuss word - the 'f' bomb).

Please note: THIS FEATURE CONTAINS LOADS OF SWEARING!

 

10. Made (2001)

The Film: Jon ‘Iron Man’ Favreau directs this companion piece/indirect follow-up to 1996’s Swingers, starring himself and Vince Vaughn as low rank mob lackeys sent to New York on an errand.

When they arrive in the Big Apple, Vaughn’s trademark loudmouth Ricky threatens to de-rail the deal with his antics.

Swear Count:
291 F-Bombs, 3.09 per minute (94 Mins)

Sweariest Line: Ricky: “Here's Scenario B for you Bob, see how you feel about this one. Now I don't know if you've noticed this or not, but I think I'm starting to get under Ruiz's skin as well, OK? It all started with the whole Red Dragon, or the Welsh guy, whatever, they can play it down all they want but you know 200 grand's a lot of fucking money! It's a fucking lot of money! OK? 200 grand is definitely a lot of fucking money!

"And now I've got Ruiz calling me fucking Fruit-Pie the fucking magician! Tellin' me that I can't fucking call my main man Max, who fucking sent me out on the fucking operation?

"And what about the Welsh guy? He's fucking scat all over, they fucking disappear and talk! And you haven't noticed this either but when he's not fucking looking at me or you're fucking doing whatever, I've got fucking Jimmy in the mirror with his shit, too.

""It's fucking coming at me from here, I don't know where it is! It might be coming this way, it might be coming that way, but the fucking shit's coming and I'm not gonna be late for the fucking dance man, I'm not gonna be fucking late for the dance on this one.”

Clean Version:
"I'm quite mad, and suffer from verbal dysentry of the generation-culling variety, grand paranoia and extreme delusions of self-importance to the point where not only do I believe that the entire world is plotting against the rise of my obvious genius, but also that I have the intelligence, skill and cunning to halt any plot which seeks to undermine my existence. I shall not arrive late for the ball in this instance."

Next: Harsh Times[page-break]

 

9. Harsh Times (2006)

The Film: Christian Bale takes a career side-step to, umm, play a grizzly-voiced, shouty psycho. He's Jim Luther Davis - ex-Marine, current nutjob.

Having a hard time adjusting to civilian life, Davis begins to spiral into his old life of petty crime and violence, drawing best friend Miguel with him.

Swear Count: 296 F-Bombs, 2.46 per minute (120 Mins)

Sweariest Line: Jim Davis: "Fuck you, God! You ain't got the fuckin' balls to take my ass!”

Clean Version: "Oh wise and all-powerful creator, the hinges of my mental stabiltiy have been torn asunder to such a degree that I believe that I, in my limited and mortal state, am in fact intimidating enough to be untouchable by you, oh holiest of holies. I do not believe, as unwise as it may prove to be, that you in fact have the motivation, capability, or the confidence to attempt to cause my undoing."

 

Next: Narc[page-break]

 

8. Narc (2002)

The Film: Joe Carnahan's debut feature sees Nick Tellis (Jason Patrics), a former narcotics detective recalled to solve the murder of a fellow undercover police officer.

Teaming with hard-line Detective Henry Oak (Ray Liotta), himself under investigation by internal affairs, the pair cut every corner in an effort to get to the truth and solve the crime.

Swear Count:
297 F-Bombs, 2.82 per minute (105 Mins)

Sweariest Line: Octavio: "That's right bitch! I'll burn you! I'll burn it off for you with that shit. Fuck you! I hate you! Crotch rot, pussy stink, fuck you! (Spanish swear words), I love you baby, fuck! I love you!"

Clean Version: "Oh yes, you are correct. I shall ignite your very being, such is the level of hatred I feel towards you. I loathe and detest you at every level. You are unclean, and furthermore, have fungal infections of the most unpleasant variety. I will now swear at you in a language that you do not fully understand, in order to demonstrate precisely how angry, afraid and vulnerable I am. Okay, forget that past statement, I'm man enough to admit when I'm wrong, I love you, apple of my eye, I love you with a perhaps disturbing intensity."

Next: Goodfellas[page-break]

 

7. Goodfellas (1990)

The Film: True life story of Henry Hill, who worked for the mob from boyhood, rising to prominence before betraying the mafia and testifying against them.

Featuring Ray Liotta, Robert De Niro andJoe Pesci (who won an Oscar for his supporting performance) it's considered by many to be Scorsese’s finest film.

Swear Count:
300 F-Bombs, 2.06 per minute (145 Mins)

Sweariest Line:
Jimmy Conway: “What's the fuckin' matter with you? What - what is the fuckin' matter with you? What are you, stupid or what? Tommy, I'm kidding with you. What the fuck are you doin'? What are you, a fuckin' sick maniac?”

Clean Version:
"There appears to be something troubling you, perhaps you'd like to share? I hear that sometimes speaking about a problem can result in a cathartic sensation akin to the problem itself being solved, so if you did feel like imparting your ill feelings upon another soul, my ears are open for business and my shoulder is prime real estate for the tears of a grown man. You see, I was merely jesting in my previous statement, and I believe you have taken my jovial ribbing a tad too far, which has led me to the conclusion that you are perhaps not at a hundred percent, and as your friend, I would like to see you back there, big fella."

 

Next: Summer Of Sam[page-break]

 

6. Summer of Sam (1999)

The Film: Spike Lee’s New York saga takes place in 1977 Brooklyn, where a long hot summer has set temperatures soaring, and a killer stalks the streets sending the city over boiling point.

Following a group of residents as they struggle to deal with the heat, mistrust and fear.

Swear Count: 315 F-Bombs, 2.22 per minute (142 Mins)

Sweariest Line: Dionna: "I’m a slut? You're calling me a slut? You lowlife piece of shit - you fucked my cousin! You didn't think I knew about that! I smelled her pussy juice all over your fuckin' face! You fuckin' sick bastard! How dare you? And all this time I'm thinking there's something wrong with me. You perverted sick fuck!

Clean Version: "You presume to call me less than monogamous? I counter it is you, in fact, who is the one having trouble with marital fidelty, sir. And furthermore, I am aware of the horizontal relations you engaged in with my cousin. As I sensed the crisis she had somewhere in the vicinity of your facial region, due to my excellent sensory perception. I'm not sure how you have the cheek to embark upon such activities. For a while there, you left me feeling somewhat self-accusory and insecure about my own action, when it was in fact you who was the one to blame for the breakdown of our co-habitating non-plutonic certified relationship."

Next: Running Scared[page-break]

 

5. Running Scared (2006)

The Film: Wayne Kramer’s decidedly mixed follow-up to his excellent debut, The Cooler, sees Paul Walker’s small-time gangster Joey Gazelle disposing of guns for the mob.

When his 10 year-old neighbour takes one of Joey's guns and shoots his father with it, Joey is in a race against time to find the kid and the gun before the Mob or the cops catch up with him.

Swear Count: 315 F-Bombs 2.58 per minute (122 Mins)

Sweariest Line:
Teresa: “I said back the fuck off, you sick twisted motherfucking cunt!”

Clean Version:
“In case you didn't hear me the first time, let me put it in slightly more lucid language: please endeavour to retreat as soon as is most conveniently possible. You seem to be ill in some way, perhaps a malady of the mental variety. I might even go as far as to suggest you are somewhat misshapen, but I don't wish to offend, no, I merely wish to seek your co-operation in leaving your current position and moving in a retro-linear direction."

 

Next: Twin Town[page-break]

 

4. Twin Town (1997)

The Film: Rhys Ifans and younger brother Lhyr star as the Lewis Twins, who love to spend all their time engaging in the timeless, not exclusively Welsh pursuits of joyriding and recreational drug abuse.

When their father breaks his leg working for a crooked businessman, the boys demand compensation. When the businessman refuses, they wage a war of attrition against him and the town.

Swear Count:
318 F-Bombs, 3.21 per minute (99 Mins)

Sweariest Line: “Fatty’s leg’s fucking fucked!”

Clean Version: “It appears that our dear father has had a most unfortunate mishap and that one of his appendages is damaged quite considerably! I fear he may not recover the use of it for some time. Poor, dear father...”

Next: Alpha Dog[page-break]

 

3. Alpha Dog (2007)

The Film: Based on the true-life story of Jesse James Hollywood, a California drug-dealer who became one of the youngest men ever to appear on the FBI's Most Wanted list.

Following a group of middle-class suburban white boys parading as drug-dealing gangsters led by Johnny Truelove (Emile Hirsch), as they kidnap the younger brother of a debtor, only for the situation to spiral out of control.

Swear Count: 367 F-Bombs, 3.11 per minute (118 Mins)

Sweariest Line: “No matter where you go, no matter what you do, I'm gonna hunt you down. I'm gonna hunt you down and then I'm gonna slit your throat and then I'm gonna cut you open and then I'M GONNA EAT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING HEART! YOU BETTER PRAY, JOHNNY! YOU BETTER FUCKING PRAY THAT THE COPS FIND YOU BEFORE I DO! GET ON YOUR COCKSUCKING KNEES AND PRAY!”

Clean Version: “I’m the super-best player of hide and seek in the existence of ever, and you can bet your shiniest penny that I’ll seek out your most sneaky of hiding persons, sooner or later. Probably sooner to be fair. Oh, boy I can’t wait 'til it’s my turn!”

 

Next: Casino[page-break]

 

2. Casino (1995)

The Film: Martin Scorsese’s epic follows the rise and fall of the mob-controlled Casinos in '70s Las Vegas.

The focus is on the volatile relationship between Joe Pesci’s Nicky Santoro, Robert DeNiro’s Sam Rothstein and his trophy wife, Ginger McKenna.

Swear Count: 398 F-Bombs, 2.23 per minute (178 Mins)

Sweariest Line: “I don’t want 10, I said fifty, fucking fifty thousand. I don’t give a fuck where you get it. Fuckers, they take it but they don’t want to give it back. How the fuck can you grin? How the fuck can you grin? You know how much I’m stuck? You give a fuck? Do you? Yeah, give yourself a hand, right across your fucking mouth. Look at this fucking beauty they put in now, Sherbert send you here to rob me now? You been fuckin’ knocking everybody’s dick in all night? Huh? You been beating all the customers tonight, motherfucker? Huh? Jack-off. Hit me. Take this stiff and pound it up your fuckin ass! Hit me again. Take this one and stick it up your sister’s ass! Hit me again. That’s it, keep looking at him you fuckin’ dummy. If you had any fuckin’ heart at all you’d be out fuckin’ stealing for a living. Hit me again. What the fuck you keep looking at him for? And your fuckin… look at this, twenty fucking paints in a row! Hit me again!”

Clean Version:
“This gambling lark is quite the riot, what? I do believe you should probably cut me off soon, with the massive losses I’ve suffered and all - it should be quite the embarrassment if anyone of note were to find out. You’re quite lovely by the way, thank you for your kind and warm approach to customer service. Oh, it’s the end of your shift is it? Well, safe journey. You’ve been nothing short of a pleasure. Greetings, new dealer. I do hope our relationship continues much in the way it did with the last dealer. If you would be so good as to deal me a card, kind sir? Why thank you, this is a most excellent card. Well dealt, you handsome individual."

Next: Nil By Mouth[page-break]

 

1. Nil by Mouth (1997)

The Film: Gary Oldman’s writing/directorial debut is a sunny slice of life on a South-East London council estate.

Following Ray Winstone’s aptly named Ray and his abusive relationship with wife Valerie (Kathy Burke), the film bagged numerous awards for both acting and directing, but never achieved mainstream success due to it having absolutely loads of swearing in it.

Swear Count: 428 F-Bombs, 3.34 per minute (128 Mins)

Sweariest Line: “Cunt, cunt! Gimme my kids, you cunt! Gimme my kid out here now! Fuck you, she’s my kid, get her out here now! I’ll fucking bury you! My kid! You cunt, you fucking cunt! Get her out here! Get her out here! I’ll fucking kill you! Look at this cunt, go back inside you nosy cunt! You fucking nosey cunt, I’ll fucking do you. Go inside! Go inside! I’ll fucking smash your window, I’ll fucking kick your door down and I’ll throw you out the window, you cunt!

Clean Version: “Good morning, madam - and a spritely morn it is too! You positively glowing I’d fetch to remark. Would you do me the honourable service of kindly surrendering the fruit of my loins into my care? I’m in something of a remarkable hurry, I hope you understand. Oh, look at this gentleman neighbour, kindly offering his ear upon our verse. Well good morn, kindly neighbour! I hope fortune is smiling down upon you today. Now, as for my most innocent of offspring, is she ready to depart? Excellent, away we are then. I bid you adieu.”

 

Now go wash out your ears with carbolic soap and tell us all about your favourite sweary movies/characters... Keep it unclean.

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Comments

    • Wintermute

      Jul 29th 2009, 11:43

      Gotta love me some quality verbiage from the mighty "In Bruges" ... Ken: "Harry, let's face it. And I'm not being funny. I mean no disrespect, but you're a c**t. You're a c**t now, and you've always been a c**t. And the only thing that's going to change is that you're going to be an even bigger c**t. Maybe have some more c**t kids." Harry: "Leave my kids f*****g out of it! What have they done? You f*****g retract that bit about my c**t f*****g kids!" Ken: "I retract that bit about your c**t f*****g kids." Harry: "Insult my f*****g kids? That's going overboard, mate!" Ken: "I retracted it, didn't I?"

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    • Devilangeldude

      Jul 29th 2009, 12:17

      Here's one of my all time favourites and it's on my facebook page too. Car cleaning scene from Pulp Fiction Jules: Oh man! I will never forgive your a*s for this s**t, this is some f****d up, repugnant s**t! Vince: Jules have you ever heard the philosophy, that once a man admits that he is wrong, he is immediately forgiven for all wrong-doings? Jules: Get the f**k ou da my face with that s**t. The m**********r who said that never had to pick up itty bitty pieces of skull on account of your d******s. Vince: I got a threshold Jules, I got a threshold for the amount of abuse I will take, and right now I'm a race car and you got me in the red. And I'm just saying, i'm just saying, that's it's f*****g dangerous to have a race car in the f****n red that's all. I could blow! Jules: Oh you're ready to blow? Vince: Yeah, I'm ready to blow! Jules: Well I'm a mushroom cloud laying m**********r, m**********r! Every time these fingers touch brain, I'm superfly TNT, I'm the guns of the naverone! In fact what the f**k am I doing in the back? You're the m**********r who should be on brain detail! We're f****n switching, I'm washing the windows, and you're pickin up this n****r's skull!

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    • Devilangeldude

      Jul 29th 2009, 12:21

      Casino (Head in a vise scene) Nicky: Dogs, Dogs, can you hear me, Dogs? Listen to me, Anthony. I got your head in a vise. I'll squash your f****n' head like a grapefruit if you don't give me a name Don't make me have to do this. Please. Come on! Don't make me be a bad guy. Come on. Dogs: f**k you! Nicky: This m**********r. You believe this? Two f****n' days and nights. f**k me? f**k me? You m**********r! f**k my mother? Is that what you're tellin' me? - (Eye starts popping out) - You m**********r, you! Huh? - Give me the f****n' name! Dogs: [Straining] Charlie M Nicky: Charlie M.? Dogs: Charlie M. You make me pop your f****n' eye outta your head... to protect that piece of s**t, Charlie M.? You dumb m**********r! Dogs: Kill me, you f**k! Nicky: Kill you? You m**********r, you! Frankiie, do him a f****n' favor. Charlie M.?!

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    • gambit21

      Jul 29th 2009, 13:45

      This list is missing some crackers- South Park film, come on should have been there and The Big Lebowski surely the greatest use of swearing in any movie of all time- plus its one of the best movies of all time much better than the likes of alpha dog and running scared etc.

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    • dannoble99

      Jul 29th 2009, 14:36

      for Twin Town, surely it has to be "f****n' dead, f****n' dead as f**k!!"

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    • TheSwede

      Jul 31st 2009, 5:44

      this f***ing feature is f***ing hilarious

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    • liam13

      Jul 31st 2009, 15:38

      I don't really take notice of swearing in movies; it is natural, and can make films more realistic or funny. But surely Pulp Fiction or Reservoir Dogs has enough swearing to make it onto this list? Or what about the Bigger, Longer and Uncut South Park Movie: "Shut your F*****g Face Uncle F****r..."

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    • DanRose

      Aug 1st 2009, 3:32

      You are missing a classic bit of swearing! Way Of The Gun! Hey, dickless, get off the f*****g car! Hey, f**k-suck, get your slippery f****n' a*s off the car! Listen to me. Get off the f*****g car with your f*****g a*s! Shut that c**t's mouth, or I'll come over and f**k-start her head. All in the first few minutes.

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    • jhoughton3

      Aug 1st 2009, 22:36

      Why didn't any Tarantino movies make this list?

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    • jws1272

      Aug 15th 2009, 4:09

      I love this exchange from the very profane classic: The Boondock Saints. Rocco: F---in'- What the f---in'. F---. Who the f--- f---ed this f---ing... How did you two f---ing f---s... [shouts] F---! Connor: Well, that certainly illustrates the diversity of the word.

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    • MovieBoy6547789

      Nov 4th 2012, 15:10

      Ryan Nicholson's Canadian Horror/Slasher/Comedy Movie named "Gutterballs" which was released early 2008 is the most profane, vulgar movie I have ever watched. Not just with the endless stream of swear words, but the sexual content also. The movie is pretty short at 96 mins, 10 seconds. It contains a total of 516 F-bombs! (Not an exaggeration) Including 10 uses of the C-word (At least) and, 63 S-words, 37 5 letter B-words, 13 4 letter C-words (C**k), 15 uses of f**got, 8 uses of d**k, and multiple milder cuss words such as f*g and *ss. It's one of the most insane movies I have ever watched and I've watched nearly every adult flick you can name.

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