The 17 Worst Movie Posters Of 2009

Someone needs to Photoshop this lot out of existence...



Funny People

It’s a film about acerbic stand-up comics, so how does the Apatow camp decide to advertise it? With this weird, slightly saccharine shot that’d make us cringe if we saw it on someone’s Facebook, let alone at our local bus stop.

Props for making Seth Rogen look even uglier than usual, though.



The Unborn

Okay, at first glance this might look like the best poster ever made – it does contain an arse in pants, after all. But that’s the problem.

We might glance up a bit to see that weird looking kid in the mirror, we may even glance down a bit to see what the film’s called, but we won’t linger on either long enough to retain the information. We’re too busy getting back to the arse. In pants. Brilliant.
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The Broken

Face your fear, says the tagline. We’re not afraid of ladies who look like half-eaten Easter eggs, we reply.



Labor Pains

Every single aspect of this one is wrong. Lohan appears to be glowing like some sort of rehab Jesus, the tag-line is utter gibberish and advertisers take note, if you want us to think your wacky pregnancy comedy is worth seeing, you probably shouldn't remind us of The Hottie & The Nottie poster.


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After Life

So, who is that? Natalie Portman gone blonde? Anna Faris gone slim? Or just some unknown actress no-one cares about?

If only we could see her face properly. Or even read the name above the title.

Hey, I wonder what happened to Kate Bosworth. She hasn’t been in anything for ages. We used to like her.



The International

If you’ve decided that museum architecture should be given more focus than your two leads, you’re probably the sort of person who enjoys inducing headaches with your poster art. Go you.
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He’s Just Not That Into You


This film contains a Scarlett Johannson nude scene. We really should try and find a way of working her into the poster. What do you mean we’ve got five minutes to finish it?

Okay, well, we’ll knock a basic image up in photoshop in a second, but let’s make sure we get her name on there at least.

But, you know, it wouldn’t be fair to put her name first, just because she’s the biggest star in this thing. We should do it in alphabetical order or something.

That way people will have to get past Kevin Connolly and Gennifer Goodwin before they get to her name and remember ‘Oh, this is the film with the Scarlett Johannson nude scene. I gotta see this!’



Nothing But The Truth


Ace, a poster you can’t look at for more than 3 seconds without feeling drunk. Seriously, this thing’s a gateway drug to Nurofen, not a film ad. Stick it on a billboard and start counting the car crashes.
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The Poughkeepsie Tapes

How many times do we have to tell you poster people? It’s 1990s, not 1990’s. And if the grammatical error wasn’t bad enough, the picture of a bunch of VHS tapes dumped on a table is about as exciting as the last time we cleared out our loft.



The Informers

According to the source material, this is an edgy flick set in ’83 LA featuring movie executives, rock stars and a vampire.

According to the poster, it’s a remake of Mannequin. Did you know that The Informers stars the insanely beautiful Amber Heard? Not if all you’ve seen is this rubbish ad.  
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The Rebound

We can’t decide which grosses us out more – the sight of some kid with a stripper’s knickers in his gob, or the fact that Catherine Zeta Jones’ face looks like something out of the third act of Brian Yuzna’s Society. Either way, we’ll be avoiding this one like Michael Douglas dodges coffins.



Eden Log


WTF. Seriously. Just WTF.
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Race To Witch Mountain

Wow, cool! Helicopters! A spaceship! And… a taxi cab?! This has got to be the most unfair race in the world! And why are they racing to Witch Mountain, anyway? Is the prize Dwayne Johnson’s massive floating head? Or the Siamese twins that appear to be growing out of his ear? WE NEED ANSWERS!
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Angels & Demons

Yawn. What is this, Daredevil 2? Next!



Two Lovers

Woah, way to go poster dudes. You’ve managed to make Gwyneth Paltrow look puffy and ugly. This isn’t Shallow Hal 2, you know.
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Bride Wars

Ahhhhhhh! What’s that growing out from under Kate Hudson’s hair?! And where have Anne Hathaway’s breasts gone?! What kind of twisted body horror is this?!



Fired Up

Ah, the laziest of all the film poster techniques. Putting the title into a fancy font and hoping it’s enough to make us want to see the movie. Word to the wise – it’s not.

Comments

    • ThrashGordon

      Jan 7th 2009, 15:56

      haha, i think the Eden Log poster looks pretty cool, although I do echo the 'wtf' statement! xD Race To Witch Mountain poster wins this for me though, its got everything!!! Oh and I don't think Dwayne Johnson's head is a prize, I suspect it's some fantastic form of transport, like, a giant floating head, which shoots lazerbeams out of its eyes! or whatever. win.

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    • sashurst

      Jan 7th 2009, 16:29

      We had a bit of a debate about Eden Log's inclusion in the office, but the WTF-ness of it won the day. Genius theory on Witch Mountain. It's now our ambition to ride around in Dwayne Johnson's head firing lasers at anyone who tries to beat us to Witch Mountain. Brilliant.

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    • wbrycem

      Jan 7th 2009, 22:58

      Who the f**k cares about the movie poster?!?!?! Who the f**k cares who's on the movie poster?!?!?! Who the f**k cares how ugly people are on the movie poster?!?!?! Odds are, we've all seen them before in movies ... so we already know what they look like. Who the f**k cares if the movie poster has a bunch of random/weird letters or pictures on it?!?!?! It obviously has SOMETHING to do with the movie. Who the f**k cares if you can't decipher the entire plot of the movie just by looking at the poster?!?!?! And last but not least, why the f**k don't you people all go out and make the most supreme and irresistible movie poster ever made?!?!?! Honestly, none of them aren't even that bad.

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    • sashurst

      Jan 8th 2009, 9:59

      You're right, wbrycem, I don't know why I bothered. Thanks for the comment, pal. :)

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    • alowe

      Jan 8th 2009, 11:04

      You are Joe Kinnear and we claim our five pounds.

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    • josephl

      Jan 10th 2009, 12:39

      I wonder what they're using to sell The Unborn? Odette Yustman is not off to a good start - but I suppose everyone needs to be a scantly-clad horror babe sometime.

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    • Ray Peterson

      Jan 12th 2009, 18:12

      'Honestly, none of them aren't even that bad.' Dude, if you're gonna rant about something, whatever you do don't undo all your work with a double negative that undermines your whole - and I use the term loosely - point.

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    • avoidz

      Feb 10th 2009, 2:05

      The Bride Wars poster reminds me of the vs. screens in Mortal Kombat 3. Good article, thanks :)

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    • Discordia

      Mar 13th 2009, 18:18

      Hmm as disappointing as The Da Vinci Code movie was, I think I preferred Angels and Demons as a novel. I just hope they don't p**s on it from a great height like they did with the other Dan Brown masterpiece...

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    • Chrisic

      Aug 6th 2009, 20:24

      Fired Up is certainly the worst. Erm and what exactly is wrong with Catherine Zeta Jones' face? Eden's poster does its job for me, mysterious and no details to feast on. Remember the first trailer for Cloverfield? Got the people talking disregarding the fact it sucked.

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    • ChrisWootton

      Apr 1st 2010, 12:16

      wbrycem.. Are you movie poster designer? Don't tell me.. you did the Bride Wars one?

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