So what defines a blockbuster? Simple: money.
Whether they make a lot of money, or cost a lot of money to make, blockbusters are the event movies that studios, theatres and even us, the hapless film journalists, organise our years around.
The problem with blockbusters is that by the time you've spent a couple of hundred million making the film, many months and millions more promoting the damn thing and released every concievable bit of tie-in tat onto the market, too often the films themselves aren't much good.
Then, dear readers, there are the blockbusters which really lower the bar...
Join us as we take a look at the most painful viewing experiences in the history of event movies, the films that went bust at the box-office, bankrupted the studio, broke our hearts...
30. Dick Tracy (1990)
Hats! Tommy Guns! Songs! What could possibly go wrong?
Warren Beatty produced, directed and starred in this adaptation of Chester Gould’s strip, using primary colours, miniatures and paintings to recreate the comic book look.
Is it for kids or adults? A comedy or a homage? A musical or an action pic? Beatty lobs in a bit of everything, with inedible results.
Worst Moment: Each and every single ponderous, plot-halting painful song.
29. The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)
An island paradise, cloned dinosaurs, money-hungry corporations... Spielberg was spoiled with ideas when he decided to counter the Jaws 2 syndrome by directing this sequel himself.
It could have been a thrilling smorgasbord of delights. Instead, he strained out The Lost World.
May he hang his head in shame for the next 65 million years.
Worst Moment: When the T-Rex mum tippy-toes into the camp and sticks her head into a tent without anyone noticing her.
28. Last Action Hero (1993)
Even if the world had been ready for a self-referential Arnie movie (and it wasn’t), the idea was always stronger than the script, resulting in mediocrity with rare flashes of brilliance.
Before this, Arnie was an action god. After it, he made Eraser and Jingle All The Way.
Worst Moment: Low-brow comedy meanderings at the funeral of mob boss Leo the Fart, whose corpse is rigged with poisonous gas. And Arnie’s subsequent mirthless quip: “Silent but deadly”.
Next: Alien: Resurrection
Comments
Wintermute
Sep 28th 2009, 11:19
Surely "Transformers 2" should be pretty high up on the list if "Armageddon" can get a mention ... sure, the latter was cheesy, OTT Bay nonsense but compared to the utterly DIRE "Transformers 2" it was a masterpiece ... likewise, I'd sooner watch "Howard The Duck" or "Hudson Hawk" again before I allowed my senses to be raped by Bay's disasterpiece of epic proportions ... seriously folks, what WAS the point of the film, other than to test people's endurance levels to the max?
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mrbong
Sep 28th 2009, 11:29
Phantom Menace has actually held up pretty well 10 years later, and the problem I had with The Lost World was the T-Rex sneaking around New York gardens rather than on the island! did Howard The Duck really make enough money to justify calling it a blockbuster?
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sleepwalker
Sep 28th 2009, 11:33
Hows about the Matrix Revolutions and Pirates of the Caribbean at Worlds End!! Both the 3rd part of a trilogy where the second 2 films were made back to back, The second insatllment of each failed to live up to the glory of the first. but by the time we have got to part 3 these are unrecognisably a part of the same blockbusters that they were based on. Grerat special effects but absolute tosh!
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BazVanderClap
Sep 28th 2009, 12:26
Shame you had to rehash an eight year old feature without updating it to accommodate the likes of Transformers 2, Spiderman 3, Matrix and Pirates of the Carribean sequels et al...
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endaoconnor
Sep 28th 2009, 12:54
Where is the 'Kingdom of the crystal skull'?!
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namedropper
Sep 28th 2009, 12:58
I have The Avengers down as a guilty pleasure and actually enjoyed it. I certainly think there are other movies out there that deserve to be on this list. Some mentioned. The 3rd Pirate movie for sure and the 2nd and 3rd Matrix films were overblown and appalling. I always liked the quote from Lew Grade about making the movie "Raise the Titanic" when he said it would have been cheaper to lower the atlantic. Boom Tish. Titanic itself was on telly the other night and I lost the will to live after 10 minutes. LA Confidential really was robbed.
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mrbong
Sep 28th 2009, 13:18
Matrix Revolutions is a good example of how bad a "blockbuster" can be. whereas the first film was action packed and loaded with cutting edge effects, the 3rd started off with 30 self indulgent minutes of Keanu stood on a train platform!! as for Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, there was more good than bad in it. just.
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zoodust
Sep 28th 2009, 13:20
only two michael bay movies mentioned!!!? i guess you have to mix it up a bit
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cockney01
Sep 28th 2009, 13:43
With regards to Batman and Robin, why should it have worked with Swarzenegger? Yes, he was the biggest box office draw, but his way of delivering a line is awful in all of his films so why should this be any different. Clooney was actually a pretty good Batman/Bruce Wayne, certainly better than the stuffy Val Kilmer. Still a s**t film, though!
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parker
Sep 28th 2009, 15:04
nothing wrong with "last action hero or titanic" everything wrong with your out of date feature. (indy 4, superman returns, spiderman 3, matrix 2 and 3, transformers 2 ...........list goes on!!!
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Toursiveu
Sep 28th 2009, 15:34
The Lost World is actually an excellent B movie. Hudson Hawk? PURE GENIUS, funniest film ever. Honestly... I don't get it : you put The Lost World, Titanic and Forrest Gump on the list and no mention of the REAL n°1 Worst Blockbuster Ever... The DaVinci Code? Alien : Resurrection is hugely enjoyable and a lot better than its reputation. Again, you mention Alien : Resurrection but no word of AVP and the godawful AVP : Requiem.
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Ali1748
Sep 28th 2009, 18:49
Where is Alien 3, Batman Forever,Pirates 3, Fantastic Four 1 and 2 ??/
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bentgaga
Sep 29th 2009, 4:00
I do agree this seems like an old list.. What contitutes a failed blockbuster? Something that cost a lot to make that ended up bring c**p? - Xmen 3 - Pirates 3 - Superman Returns - King Kong I fell asleep in all of them, except Xmen because I was holding out hope... That being said, Twister and Waterworld are amongst my favourite movies.. Maybe it comes down to personal taste...
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Plummy77
Sep 29th 2009, 9:26
He may not be blockbuster under your terms, but couldnt we add the whole Woody Allen collection anyway, all of them are about as good as a half eaten dog biscuit that has sat around under the fridge for 4 years?
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p1gion
Sep 29th 2009, 22:28
wow. what a head scratching, blind clutch of blockbustyers. yes, pearl harbour, superman 4, wild wild west, these are no brainers. but come on, the lost world does not rank in any bad movie list. some of it is cheesy but it has some stunning sequences too like the trailer sequence. i dont think i've clenched for as long a period as when i saw that for the first time. and armaggeddon probably has one of the best casts ever assembled for an action movie. the plot is rediculas but there are some great parts of that movie aswell, eg owen wilson arguing about which star wars character he is. im finnished ranting but come on. there are worse films than these transformers 2 , g i joe and surrogates all came out this summer and could be in the top 10.
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buddy
Sep 29th 2009, 23:19
pretty good list. forrest gump though? titanic? these are not worst blockbusters. gump is razor sharp enough that you`re laughing again before it makes you puke, a very clever film. exactly what a film should do. titanic`s records speak for themselves, like it or not, that`s your taste not a "worst" blockbuster. lost world is more than acceptable. episode 1 will forever get it in the neck although i`m bored of everyone jumping on to jar jar. there are other failings but darth maul made up for all the money it cost me to go on opening night and no one said it was c**p when they walked out of the cinema. ( although a little perplexed maybe) however, i couldn`t agree more bent gaga, superman returns is top three worst blockbusters. my mate brought the dvd and i snapped it before it could contaminate his home cinema. wild west was indeed pathetic and more salt to the wound is the rumour i heard that mr smith passed on the chance of the matrix part for that. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. didn`t see kingdom of the crystal skull up there. go figure that one.
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KerrAvon
Sep 29th 2009, 23:39
I'd still stand by the death to Schumacher comment Batman & Robin is a travesty and can be compared to Bad Boys 2 or the League of Extraordinary Gentleman as an example in how to drive people to kill. Agree with the Transformers 2 comments, there are some massive plot holes in the 1st one but 2 was incredibly boring which somehow made Terminator Salvation seem okay by comparison. Its not its s**t too.
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JohnJDuffy
Oct 2nd 2009, 2:42
Heres some for the mix. All of the Star Wars prequels, A I, Jurassic Park 3, Terminator 3, Star Trek, Daredevil, Hulk, The Incredible Hulk, I am Legend, Hancock, Spiderman 1 2 & 3, Resident Evil (all 3), Angels & Demons, Catwomen, Watchmen, Day After Tomorrow, 10'000 BC, Tomb Raider (Both), Ghost Rider, Terminator Salvation, Lord of the Rings 3, Underworld, Van Helsing and finally Wildhogs because for some reason it made a s**t load of money
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JohnJDuffy
Oct 2nd 2009, 2:44
Johnny Mnemonic
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buddy
Oct 2nd 2009, 18:45
johnjduffy... did you take time out of your life to watch 10,000BC and think it was going to be ok? hows that on par with watchmen?
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Tastynapalm
Oct 2nd 2009, 23:20
Are you sure you're not confusing the plot of Costner's Postman with Roddy Piper's Hell Comes To Frog Town?
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bunior
Oct 5th 2009, 13:04
Don't be pinning the blame for Alien: Resurrection on Joss Whedon thankyouverymuch, his original script was butchered beyond all recognition. Check your 'Quadrilogy' box-set, it's all right there
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coulterscandy
Oct 5th 2009, 19:53
Why do so many people take such a big steaming dump on Superman Returns (not just in a few of the comments here but in general)? I'm genuinely baffled as it's really not that bad - certainly not a classic but a good-natured and fun antidote to grim, po-faced blockbusters like The Dark Knight (which I do also like, I hasten to add). And yeah I remember this feature from ages ago as well, back when I used to buy Total Film religiously (before I saw the first Transformers on their recommendation and became disillusioned for life)
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mrsmiawallace
Oct 14th 2009, 23:26
Since Pearl Harbour, Titanic or Indiana Jones and the Crystal Bag of w**k aren't in the top spot, I refuse to read the rest of this article. @MrBong "as for Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, there was more good than bad in it. just." I hope you're busy washing your mouth out with soap and water good sir.
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apple
Jan 5th 2010, 18:18
in 3 years,there will be "avatar" and his vapid,idiot and cheesy storyline!
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