There's nothing quite like a good Movie Bastard. Done well, proper bastards can be the difference between a good film and a great one. Done really well, they can help raise a movie to classic status.
Movie Bastards may come in all shapes and sizes, but they all share a propensity for being complete and utter shits - and not giving an ape's auntie about it.
Join us, then, as we count down the 40 biggest, baddest bastards...
40. Fat Bastard (Mike Myers)
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)
Bastard by name, utter bastard by nature. A belching, botty-burping man-mountain constructed entirely from layers of fat. The role even exerted its power over Mike Myers himself, according to co-star Heather Graham...
“I think some other presence took over him when he was Fat Bastard,” she told Total Film “The next day he was always like, ‘I’m sorry, please don’t hate me!'”
Prime Act Of Bastardy: Admitting to his favourite food, Fatso comes clean. “I ate a baby! Oh aye, baby. The other, other white meat.”
39. Sean Nokes (Kevin Bacon)
Sleepers (1996)
“I felt he just had to be despicable,” says Bacon of the sadistic borstal guard, a man who tortures and molests without remorse. No kidding, Kev.
Prime Act Of Bastardy: Perhaps the most harrowing of all Nokes’ cruelties is the first. “What do you want?” pleads the frightened boy as he shivers in the darkness. Nokes just stares at him impassively. “A blow job. Down on your knees…”
38. Ace Merrill (Kiefer Sutherland)
Stand By Me (1986)
Small-town bully who likes to shoot pool, play mailbox baseball and race cars. Oh, and beat up on little kids. Rules his own late-teen gang with a rod of iron.
Prime Act Of Bastardy: Swiping Gordie’s (Wil Wheaton) Yankee cap off his 12-year-old head. “C’mon, man, my brother gave me that!” pleads Gordie, referring to his beloved older bro (John Cusack) who recently died in a jeep crash. “And now you’re giving it to me..." comes the ice-cold reply.
37. Lt. Thaddeus Harris (GW Bailey)
Police Academy (1984)
If the movies teach us anything, it’s that short men in uniforms are seldom chirpy, happy fellas. So it is with Lieutenant Harris, the nasty, bastardly piece of work determined to drive Steve Guttenberg out of the titular cop school.
Prime Act Of Bastardy: Introducing himself and Sgt. Callahan (Leslie Easterbeck) to the motley recruits:
“We are the meanest instructors here. We’ve got you because you are the worst people here. From now on you are D Squad: ‘D’ for ‘dirtbags’. I’m gonna make you hate me for the rest of your lives!”
Comments
ThrashGordon
Jul 7th 2009, 12:37
cool, glad to see Burke in there, he rules!! Could have done with Ellis from Die Hard to shore up the 80s sleaze... ''Show him the watch... Its a Rolex.' 'Hans, Boobie! I'm you're white knight!'' Class. Maybe Shooter McGavin from Happy Gilmore too... ah I'm just listing all my heroes here!
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alowe
Jul 7th 2009, 15:26
Good shout with Shooter. And we know we haven't included Daniel Plainview - but he's keeping for something else... :)
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weirdr0b0t
Jul 7th 2009, 15:34
lets be honest... brick top from s****h should have been up there!! He was an awesome character, completely lacking any defining positive features!!
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slowhands107
Jul 7th 2009, 16:42
The fact that you left Don Logan (Ben Kingsley - Sexy Beast) from the list makes it totally void. Mr.Blonde!!! Archibald Cunningham (Tim Roth -Rob Roy) Stephen Graham in THIS IS ENGLAND.
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mic2803
Jul 7th 2009, 16:45
i'm sorry, but you have all forgotten about Jeremy Irons' "Scar" from the "Lion King". "Long live the king", throwing his own brother into the depths of a fatal stampeed (is that the correct spelling?)
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omniblue
Jul 8th 2009, 0:48
I'm sorry. b*****d list without... Patrick Bateman (Christian Bale) @ American Psycho Fails
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Heskin
Jul 9th 2009, 12:02
What no Michael Corleone?
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BapNayak
Jul 10th 2009, 11:50
What about Clancy Brown's Captain Hadley in Shawshank. I'm sorry but what an evil b*****d!
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Mizino
Jul 10th 2009, 12:52
No Joker?
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greatatuin
Jul 12th 2009, 14:08
Daniel Plainview?
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Mozkiwi
Jul 13th 2009, 0:34
How about two b*****ds in one film? Once Were Warriors' Jake Heke (Temuera Morrison) who dismisses the family trip to visit his son in borstal, in favour of drinking at the local pub with his mates - one of whom, Bully (Cliff Curtis) rapes Jake's daughter,while the parents and guests are partying downstairs, with that most b*****dly of lines, "Give your Uncle Bully a kiss." Ick and ick... but the actors were brilliant!
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casinoheat
Jul 20th 2009, 19:27
Robert De Niro in Raging Bull... The biggest c**k on film
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Kedders1986
Jul 22nd 2009, 0:28
How Tom Berenger as Sgt. Barnes in Platoon. Shooting fellow soldier Willem Dafoe and leaving him for dead is a good enough reason.
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halo14
Jul 31st 2009, 7:00
This list can not be complete without Gary Oldman. He makes the ultimate 'bad guy' in many movies. The best - his perfomance as the pshycho pill popping detective in The Professional.
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SCY385
Jul 31st 2009, 22:29
I have seen other lists about cinema b*****ds, and they always seemed to leave a few of my picks off. But you guys did me proud when you mentioned Dennis Peck from Internal Affairs. Of all the Jason's, Freddie's,etc. Dennis Peck scares me more than any of them. Why? Because he has the potential to be real. A cop with that kind of charisma, ruthlessness, and evil magnetism is a scary prospect. This was the role that proved to me that Richard Gere could act. Good choice.
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carolineadams
Aug 27th 2009, 18:56
how about Captain Vidal from Pan's Labyrinth??
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FBLPedroza
Sep 25th 2011, 17:51
The Lieutienant from "Bad Lieutenant" and both versions to booth.
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